re connected

2007-04-16T14:37:00.000-07:00

hello.!
yupp,
i know its like a few hundred years since i last posted.
hahs.
life is soo busy la.
and im so tired and shag to post.
(not to say im lazy okays.?)
laughs.
so how's everything for every of my dear frens.?
(:
sch start alrd hurr.
study hard all.!

now,
as usual long brk so im here in com lab.
boring.
boo.

holiday is a efficient one for me.
6 wks of attachments.
no life.
but learned alotof things.
hahas.
and i swear i love those babies and kids.
they are just soo swt and innocent.
so,
treat all the little life well.
hahas.

met my darlings on sat and had a wonderful day except that my sun tanning failed agn.
sad can.
grins.
darlings ar !
i love u gals la.
(:
mit up soon for tanning again.!
hahahs.

things for me and *baby was fine.
just that we quarrel sometimes over small things.
well,
ive learnt to forgive and forgive and forgive.
really hope that i wun be taken granted for.
so fast,
we are approaching our 6th monthsary.
time flies and yes,
i still want *him in my life.
beside me.
(:
hearts.

alrite.
gtg buy stuffs for sch.
bye all !

wait wait,
not forgeting to say,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIHUI !!
i love u dearest meimei
(:
hope you like the little suprise.
and we can watch m18 show legally alrd.!
grins.

2007-02-17T05:16:00.000-08:00

y is my post not posted.?!

):

test test *

2007-02-15T17:10:00.000-08:00

i swear i got a super bad valentine's day tis yr.
a super bad one that i will nvr forget.
its so much far worse than spending valentine's day without a valentine.
if i were to choose which i wil rather haf,
i wil wish that i dun haf a valentine on such a valentine's day.
recieving msges frm peers askin how's my valentine's celebration,
what are the beautiful things my boy had prepared for me.
well,
my ans to all these are jus,
NOTHING.
yup i got nth from *him.
not even for a little card or a sms wish.
but i gt the best gift.
i broke dwn and cut myself AGAIN.
yes.
wad a great present from the one i love dearly on such a special day.

im despair.
im lost.
im hurt.
i wish im gone.
i always choose to trust *him,
trusting that *he say *he will change *he really will.
seriously in my life ive nvr met someone like tis.
who seems to dun care much of anything.
someone who eventually can fall aslp while doing my valentine's gift.
as a gf felt so guitly for nt getting anything on a special day like tis,
i sacrifice my study time in the middle of the nite just to make *him one card.
a card that is completely based on my designs.
no helping decorations,
no helping pictures,
no helping wrds like " i love u"
and wad so ever.
EVERYTHING little thing on the card is made by me.
i swear.
ok.
maybe u all might think why am i so calculative.
" *he nvr give u anything only ma. "
no.
im not calculative on that.
wad disappoints me is that *he really can eventually fall aslp like tis.
sayin will call me back,
and yes,
stupid me waited for *his call till almost 5.30am in th morn.
say wan to go SP early in the morn for JAE,
i made an effort waking *him up at 7 plus when i onli slpt at 5.30am.
hello,
why am i the one worrying about *his everything when *he dun even bother.
i felt so hurt.
felt so angry.
best thing is that when *he wake up,
i confronted *Him,
and guess wad,
*he says that im not understanding enough,
says that *he thought i wil understan,
understand that *he's having headache that's y couldnt wake up.
wow.
i din noe we gt such good telepathy.
that *you dun even mention a single thing,
i will know that *you are having headache.
and so coincidental that everytime on special days,
one part of *your body will be aching.
is not that i dun wan to believe but as these reasons been used times and times agn,
it just makes me feel that its just excuses to shut my mouth up.
i dun see why i gt pain here and there i still can bear with them and mk an effort to do wad im suppose to do as a gf.
but wad abt *you.?
yes *you may sae that *you are very tired but have *you think for me.?
all these nites i havent been slping more than wad.?
3 hrs.?
but i still try my best to do sthg for *you.
wake *you up.
worry for *you.
make sure wad *you wanted to do will be done smoothly.
boy,
wad i get back from *you makes me feels like an idiot.
like doing so much when the another party dun even appreciate rather been taken for granted.
*you know how fuck up i feel.?
how idiot i find myself.?
sigh.
boy,
this is not the way to be.
to be in a rs.
i really have enough.!
really.!
enough.!
*you are just driving my crazy.
*you are just trying to make me brk dwn like how she did.
oh please,
im not that strong enuff to go thru it agn.
esp on my exam period.
*you are just freaking selfish to do all these shits to me.

perhaps leaving *you,
let *you noe that i dun always be there to forgive *you,
to make *you happy even its like *your fault.
perhaps like tis,
*you will be waken up by all *your bad points.
good bye.
if we are really meant to be tgt,
we will always be.

~~i hate *you for doing all these to me. *you proven me that there is really no true love in this world. cynthia's dead. and *you are the murderer.~~

2007-02-03T19:25:00.000-08:00

had been quite some time since i last blog.
things arent too well for me and *him.
thou we just pass our 3rd mthsary tgt but i swear it was a bad one.
sigh.
i dunno wad else i can i say or do to stop all these.
what i do seems like not too right for *him.
i tried and listen to all advices and do wad im told to do but wad i get in return.?
*his attitude,
*his impatience,
*his misunderstanding,
*his ignorence.
all these are killing me.
the communication prob between us seems to be still as bad it was ever.

everytime after quarrel or argue,
*he ask for forgiveness and chances.
saying that will change,
saying that it wil not happen agn.
but still,
one day ltr,
all these happening agn.
*he gt his reason and my explanation seems to become nth.
and end up everything seems to be my fault.
im so hurt.
hu can understand right deep inside i feel.
i try all ways to tell and make clear how and wad a person i am.
yes,
*he listened den say sorry den i forgive.
but still.
sigh.
giving chances agn and agn is equal to giving *him chances to hurt me agn and agn.
im hard inside but i swear im soft inside.
everytime i jus wil "heart soft" and go bck to *him.
perhaps this is the reason *he takes me for granted.
thinking that no matter i will still back to *him.
nvr likr *his ex.
well,
does tis means that i really have to leave *him for real so *he will noe to really treasure me.?
sigh.
im despair.
im so lost.
i dunno how to move on from here.
there is sooooooo many things waiting for me to do to put in place.
to make them perfect.
im not God.
im just an ordinary girl.
i just wan and wish my boyfriend can understand me a little more than others.
and to do so is to show my real true self.
but by doing this,
things seems to be worse.
tell me.!
tell me wad i shud do.
i really cant tk it anymore.
i dun wan history to rpt.
really.
i have enough.!

)':

~~take me away to where i should belong.~~

2007-01-23T14:06:00.000-08:00

i love tennis.!
i swear i do.!
i really do.!
i cant wait for another game with *baby.
and that pantat sha says she wants to play oso.!
yeah found on tennis partner in sch.!
I WANT TO PLAY TENNIS.!

thanks *baby for the tennis racket.
i love it alot.
my fav colour and brand.
(:
the new shoe bag and so swt tt we gt the same.
(:

okays.
there is alot more to update but i gt no time.
gg for prac .
ltr gt skill test.
wish me luck.!
i want pass and done with it today.!
God,
be by my side.
pray.

2007-01-15T15:15:00.000-08:00

now i am alone in eplaza becoz tt pantat sha went to mit bf.
grins.
and i gt my HS2056 exam ltr.
man.
wish me luck.!
wish i cud pass and one mod will be cleared.
(:
exam timetable is out and the dates are rubbish la.
the day before valentine's day there is a paper,
on valentine's day there isnt (sound nice but...)
the day after valentine's day there is HS2035 which means there is alot of memorising.
ARGHS.
and after CNY brk,
will be bio paper.!
like wad the hell.!
i wan to spend Valentine's day with *baby.!
i noe *he will be disappointed if i gg to tell *him tis.
im sorry *baby.
i promise i wil wrk sthg out so that we can still spend our very first valentine's day tgt.!
hugs.

ytd went sentosa.
first time go there and play in the rain.
no sun = no tanning.
but still,
it wad kinda fun.
more of this activity guys.!
gv peeps rock my life
(:
and and and.!
my middle finger is injured.!
yes,
the same old finger agn.
like wad the hell.
now im like gg ard pointing everyone middle finger esp when i writes.
even now when i type im oso pointing middle finger to my monitor.
hahas.
sry ppl hu sitting in front of me.
hahas.
gg to see a doc ltr.
the swell is abit nt very gd.
):
pain.!

regarding wad happen to me and *baby the past few days.
im nt gg to bring it up and mention agn.
overall,
i just wish wad *baby says,
*he will really do it.
its really true that actions speaks louder than words.
and i dun wan jus only words that's from *his mouth but the effort in making them all real.
i cant afford to lose *him becoz i really love *him.
lots.
but if there is a day that i really have to leave in near future,
definitely not becoz i dun love *him anymore but becoz i cudnt tk the hurts anymore.
i want *his love and i need *his love.
without them,
perhaps i willbe weak agn.
and i dun wan it happening to me agn.
*baby,
make things better okays.?
we will walk on tgt.
i love *you .!
but i hate *you too.
hahahaha.
((:

okays.
its like damn diff to type with middle finger pointing out like tis.
boo.
bye and im off for last round of revision before paper.!
wish me luck.!!!!

2007-01-12T23:25:00.000-08:00

I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
( yes, i love it when *you calls me baby and telling me that im part of *your life. )

No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
( but why times over times, *you are still making cry so badly ? )

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
( *baby are *you loving me with all *you have ? )

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
( i met afew wrong ppl alrd and i wish that *you are the one God wants me to meet along this path of life. )

There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
( that's the reason why i dun dare to trust *you so much because im afraid that *you will abuse the trust i had for *you. )

Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
( perhaps i should learn real hard from this. )

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
( im thankful that i have a handful of true frens. thanks guys.! LOVEs. )

arent these sentences awesome.?
got these from the mail darling yinjia sent to me the other day.
and its so nice for me to do some reflection.

yes,
im still despair.
i hurt myself and as well as *him (i assume)
i din mean to end everything with *you but im jus so afraid.
i swear i dun feel any better than *you.
i swear i still love *you as how i did always.
and i always will.
i swear i dun wan to lose *you either.
but this isnt the rs i wish to have.
the disappointment,
the hurts,
are too much for me.
and perhaps for *you.
i wish we cud wrk things out,
find a way out.
if not,
we cud nvr move on from here.
i promise i will nvr give up.
and i mean it.
my promise is for real.
and *you can take my words.
i swear.
and wad about *you.?
)':

2007-01-12T17:59:00.000-08:00

i dunno whether wad im doin is right,
but i noe is definitely smth i really dun wish to do.
rejecting *your calls,
off the ringtone and let it rings till *you hangs up ( *you can do tt to me and so do i ),
dun reply *your msges.
yes,
you all may think im cruel,
unreasonable.
i dun care.
becoz only me myself and i noe exactly how i feel and wad im gg thru when i doin these to *him.
i swear it isnt smth nice at all.
it jus hurts me as much as it hurts *you ( or perhaps it doesnt hurts *you at all ).
*you asked me whether am i angry with *you.
why should i ans that qns since it wun help any at all.
end up *you *yourself might be angry.
so wad's the point right.?
must as well i myself angry than causing another person angry.
maybe you all think im selfish to think for myself only.
let it be.
im so tired of making everyone ard me happy,
agree with wad im doing.
does anyone know wad EXACTLY i wan and wad EXACTLY i feel.?
anyone.?!
if no,
so just let me be can.?
just for one day.
even it means i might lose sthg impt to me,
someone so dear to me.
i dunno wad im talking alrd.
all i noe is

I AM FUCKING SUPER UPSET

im not angry AT ALL.

)':

please please dun say *you will do sthg when *you cant even do it. althou its not a promise yet but is sthg *you told me *you will do but end up its jus wrds that dun meant to mean. how much more must i go thru to let *you see and realise how all these little mistakes *you make wil make me so sad. i noe *you are hu *you are and i accept it but there are just sthg that i can nvr accept. things *you dun like i tried changing. things like *you wants me to tell *you everything when things goes wrong, i did. *you asked me to control my angerness, i ctrl if not i wud haf been angry with *you for wrking ltr. *you say wan meet even it means 3 hrs of miting and *you say *you wun be late. okays, i made up my mind that i wan to meet *you, dressed nicer and try waking *you up so *you wun be late or jus a little late.but ya like wad i expected, *you can nvr wake up by my calls. i dunno wad else i can say anymore. i feel that the more i say the more i nid to explain. well, i think i owe no one any explainations. wad i expect *you will do *you will nvr do. so wad;s the point of gg on saying so much thing and hurt myself so bad.

oh God,
tell me how shud i move on from here.

2007-01-12T01:59:00.000-08:00

hmmm,
why am i so upset now.?
like sthg went missing.
sthg is wrong.
i feel kinda lost and overall im just
UPSET.

am i too selfish to just wish that *you will not wrk ltr and acc me.?
like on a nite esp friday's.
a nite that i still dunno how to pass it alone.
tuesday and friday nites are the nites the hardest for me.
its so hard to change the habit of passing them alone since i had nvr did before ever since mummy wil wrk on nite shift these 2 days.
but well,
i noe i shudn't be selfish to stop *you from wrking just to acc me.
i understand that *you have to earn money.
but there is just this feeling that i dunno how to exaplain.
despite knowing and understanding the reason behind of *you insisting on wrking,
i still feel disappointed.
but its alright la.
just go ahead and wrk ba.
i guess i really nid to overcome this.
passing this horrible nite alone.
worst come to worst,
if not raining,
i might head dwn to punggol end.
(:
a place i love to hide at,
to think and reflect alot of things.

now *you are outside with them.
yes,
i know *you will enjoy.
so no worries.

sorry that i sound so sad and wadever feeling *you think im having.
i really tried not to but i just cant.
sorry if i said that we shall dont meet tmr.
its not that i dun want to see *you but i will jus feel REALLY upset that *you have to go off after seeing each other for like 3 hrs or less.
depending whether *you will be late not.
and this is oso one of the reason why i thought of not miting.
*you late,
i will angry.
den *you have to leave real soon,
i will feel upset.
these two feelings are enough to make the rest of the nite even tougher to pass.
i dunno la.
i want see *You but i oso dun want see *you due to those reasons i stated.
ARGHS.!
i fucking hate this feeling im having now.
like wad the fuck.!
what's wrong with me now.!
fuck it.
CYNTHIA,
you are a bad girlfriend of *his.
yes yes,
i guess so too.
):

alrite.
i shall go off and slp and stop thinking and perhaps stop crying.
i swear my eyes are gg to drop off if i gg to cont crying all these nites.
arghs.
wad a week la.
fuck fuck fuck.!

(sorry for all the vulgarities. im jus so.. ARGH.)

)':

2007-01-12T01:50:00.000-08:00

When I am down and,
oh my soul,
so weary.
When troubles come and my heart burdened be.
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up,
so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up,
to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong,
when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up,
To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger.
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly,
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes,
I think I glimpse eternity.

2007-01-10T17:42:00.000-08:00

i din noe sch life could be this stressful.
these 2 nites i havent been slping for like more than 3 hrs.
the nite before was mugging for my bio prac,
last nite was redoing my individual presentation which due today til like 4 plus tis morn.
and toking abt it,
i really wan to say a BIG BIG thank you to *baby for staying at my hse till im done just to kip me accompanied and help me with some of it.
thanks thanks.
i felt so guilty to see *baby's tiredness and yet *he insist on staying late with me.
tt poor little mouse of mine.
* opps.! did i jus said mouse.? lol. jkjk. HUGs *
and since *he did smth nice to me,
i shall forgive *him on wad happened some days ago.
but i will never *forget.
~~humph~~

so one project dwn.
2 more to go.
and im glad that my super last min change of plan of my presentation today turns out great.
felt so nice to hear the compliment frm Ms Ng and relieved to hear almost no comments on my presentation.
my hard wrk pays off (:
tribute to *baby too.
grins.

now that little mouse * opps agn. hahahah * is wrking.
~~pout~~
and im alone at home mugging agn for nxt wk's exam.
boring.
exam agn.
and and and !
i wan to go sentosa tis sunday.!
i dun wan to miss out the fun and i seriously nid to relax abit.
but at the same time fear and worried for exam.
how how how.?
i nid the SUN (:
but i oso nid the BOOKS.
~~duh~~
shall see how it goes.

i miss *you !
should i go dwn ltr to give *you a suprise.?
hmmm.
shall consider.
grins.
but dun think i love *you.
nope,
i hate *you.
wahahaha.
~~bleahs~~
((:

okays.
gtg and mug and hopefully catch a little nap.
the pain in my head is driving me nuts.
ARGHS.
tk it away.!
grins.

2007-01-09T00:46:00.000-08:00

PLEASE,

TAKE ME AWAY !
I CAN'T TAKE IT AYNMORE !
I DON'T WANT TO CRY NO MORE !
FUCKED UP LIFE NOW.

FUCK IT !

2007-01-08T20:20:00.000-08:00

i love *you.
yes i do.
i really do.
but what shud i do to show my love to *you and oso not to get hurt by *you.?
it hurts me every once and then i reject *your call.
it hurts me everytime i choose to reply in a feeling-less manner.
it just hurts me so badly.
its not that i dun wan to tok to *you but i dun wish to let *you hear me cry.
give me time til tonight or maybe tmr to tok to *you.
no matter what,
i just want *you to noe that my feelings for *you are stil so true so deep.
right now,
i just want to protect myself a little more than i will.

*baby, *you are still the one.

2007-01-08T13:59:00.000-08:00

im back home at this hr.
was suppose to end sch at 6 but bio lect cancel,
im too lazy to wait for 5 hrs for the nxt lect so i decided to cum bck and mug for tmr's bio prac ica.
i wan to do well.
at least better.
but it seems kinda hard now when im too depress to do anything.
and dont say memorising.

to *baby :

to what extend must i go to show *you how hurt i am everytime *you do this to me. saying words that will nvr seems to mean sthg. i always try to trust every of *your single wrds but in this situation, can *you tell me how can i do so.? *you promised me and convinced me that *you will nvr be the sec her but wad is it now.? what's the diff of *you and her when *you can oso slp the nxt sec when things turn bad. i replied *your msg str8 after i recieve it but wad's in the end. *you din even reply and obviously it shows that *you are aslp. im hurt by it. yes, to *you, *you might think that im ridiculars to be angry or sad abt it but can *you understand the feeling of fear. i seriously fear that *you will be like her as time goes by. i can tell *you that i will nvr move on well anymore. esp when *you choose to abuse my trust in *you. i choose not to contact *you now. not until *you took the first step to. i dun wan to show how i feel deep inside. im not trying to be mean but im just trying to protect myself this time round. i wish to see how much i actually means to *you. maybe this time round i might be disappointed but at least i see *you through. see *you through the love *you actually had for me. i wun see *you for today. it wil be really bad esp after a fight like tis. but its good in the way that we can see how we can make it thru. im sick. i gt this fuckin headache. but i cant stop crying. ~~fuck it~~.

there is alot more i wish to tell *baby.
but i gt no strength to go on saying aymore.
i dun wan to cry so badly anymore.

God,
take my sorrows away.
take my tears away.
take my pain away.
take me to where i used to be.
bring me back my happiness.
bring me the love i deserve.
bring me *his true love to me.
please.
i prayed.

)':

2007-01-07T14:09:00.000-08:00

new blog layout !

iLOVEit !

(:

2007-01-07T01:50:00.000-08:00

now,
sitting at my study table which i wil be facing my window and as well as tis lappy and as well as watching shadows passing by becoz of the stupid renovation of the lifts at the other side.
kinda scary seeing shadows walking pass outta sudden and that's y i decided to off my light and just kip my little desk light on so that ppl cant see into my rm.
haha.
im bored and tired studying bio agn.
and i mean AGAIN.
the same old thing.
vagina, penis, ovries and blah blah blah.
):
im just fcuking bored.
din noe my sat nite cud be tis bad.
pout

went over to grandma's place.
helped her dispense her med for the nxt 2 wks.
and i swear im super hart pain to see her eating SOO many med in a day.
its like about 20 odd tablets per day.?
my goodness.
sigh.
she's getting old but she's still loving me so much.
cooked my fav dishes becoz she knows that im goin over today after like mia for dunno how long.
im so touched can.
and i felt kinda guilty.
ok. getting emo and feel like crying now.
i LOVE grandma for my whole life.!
(:

*baby is wrking now.
thou *he just called but its too noisy over there so i decided to hang up.
and now,
i oso dun feel like tokin to anyone.
ok. im really getting emo.
i misses *him so much.
i wish i cud see *him now.
or maybe later after *his wrk but i cant.
*he gt wrk at 1pm ltr.
so i decided not to deprive *him frm *his slp.
but i miss *him.
esp now,
when im feeling kinda dwn.
think its just s/s of PMS.
pout.
i dun like.

oh ya.
thanks MAK QINXIONG for taking over my shift today.
he saved my life.
grins.
i owe him once.
(:
wad a kind soul he is hur.
wrink.

okays.
goodnight everyone.
haf to mug and mug and emo away.
lalalala.

>.<

2007-01-05T19:09:00.000-08:00

a hard passing day so far.
dwn with serious bad flu and fever goin up and dwn.
arghs.
and my head seems to be too heavy for me to put it on my poor neck.
can anyone understands wan and how i feel.?
hahas.
worse,
more and more projects are on the way.
save me.!
im drowning in the sea of presentations can.
irritating.

im now waiting for my lazy pig to cum over.
*he like must tk dunno how many hrs to get here.
and i seriously hate it when i call and cudnt reach *him.
*he seems so hard to be contacted can.
angry !
dun wan mit *him alrd.
humph.
boo.

arghs.!
can someone like help me do my presentation.
do my research.
tk my exams.
man.
if there is someone like tis i will MARRY him.
haha.
(but i dun think there wil be anyone nicer than my pantat *baby. lols )

ok.
stop ranting and shall start wrk.
and oh ya,
any kind souls wan to tk over my shift tmr and if im wrkin on sun,
tk over me on sun too.!
thanks and i really appreciate it.
(:

2007-01-05T00:15:00.000-08:00

okays.
*baby keeps complaining that i din write "i love him".
so.....
now....

*baby,

I LOVE YOU !

(:

2007-01-04T14:59:00.000-08:00

mans.
finally i can blog la.
for the past few days,
i dunno wad's wrong with blogger tt i cant log in with blogger beta.
so shit can.
boo.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, 2007 .!

yes,
its a brand new yr alrd.
spent my bew yr eve at gv wrking.
grins.
10hrs shift somemore hurr.
DOUBLE pay.!
yuppie :D
it was fun thou with twice counting dwn becoz see wrong time C:
ran over to floor 1 to watch firewrks but too bad *baby cudnt get out of candy bar becoz all of us ran off.
laughs.
sry *baby.
shall watch firewrks tgt one day hurr.
(:

oh,
before i moved on,
Happy 2nd Monthsary to *baby on the 291206.
we spend the very first sec of our monthsary tgt and the very last sec of monthsary tgt.
tt was kinda swt thou.
(:
thanks for everything *baby.!
and please,
DON'T spend SO much money getting me things anymore kays.?
dun make my jaw drop agn.
grins.
but i appreciate everything alot.
i love *you still.
lots.
even thought sometime *you make me REALLY mad.
and very hurt.
):
but well,
*you are forgiven.
dun try to test my limit hurr.
:D

a brand new year starts alrd.
i seriously hope this yr willgoes smoothly.
be it in studies, love, health or anything.
i jus wish for the best.
lookng bck last yr,
alot of things happened.
been with her and end the rs with her on our 1st yr.
i wun say i regret loving her.
instead,
i thank her.
in a way tt i cud realise there is someone else better out there i cud love and love me.
(:

studies are getting heavier and heavier alrd.
exams ard the corner and worse,
there isnt any study brk.
pout.
and there is nvr ending pjts waiting for me to do.
):
end of hols,
start of misery.
arghs.

alrite,
gtg and rush my patient education.
first time doinf individual presentation.
i hope it wil be a smooth and successful one.
den 6pm haf to be bck in sch for evening lesson.
shag.
bye everyone.!

2006-12-21T15:15:00.000-08:00

so how's my editing to my new blogskin.?
grins.
was browsing thru blogskin webpage but cudnt find any completely nice blogskin so i took a little frm here and there and make it out like tis.
grins.
and it took me like the whole night and so i slpt at 5am in the morn with *baby on the line.
(:

going off to batam on sat morn.
and wil be bad hopefully before christmas ( before 12am ) so at least i can countdwn with my gals and all.
and definitely with *syg.
aww,
going off is fun but which means i cudnt see *syg for 2 days.
~~pout~~
*he better miss me if not ..
grins.

okays.
gtg.
gg ps to buy some stuffs den wil have wrk.
byes.
(:

2006-12-18T13:47:00.000-08:00

yeah.!
its holiday agn.
and im kinda relieved that im not out for clinical at NUH.
mans.
cudnt imagine how it wil be like to go NUH everyday.
and the best thing is i can go out for pead clinical with my frens.
great great.

two weeks hols.
everyday filled with prog alrd.
gg batam to find tina (like finally) on the 23rd.
i hope i wil be in time to be in spore to count dwn christmas with *syg.

tok abt *syg,
*he made me so angry and sad hrt broken the past few days.
such a horrible boyfriend can.
hahas.
okays la,
its kinda my fault too.
i seriously hate times when we argued or smth.
it dun only make me angry but oso make me sad.
but sadly,
every mth must go thru tis period of time la.
hahas.
but im glad we are fine now.
yeah,
2nd monthsary coming its way.
hope wad we planned will goes on smoothly.
(:
*baby,
i "HATE" *you.
-pouts-

wrk ltr.
and i guess it wil be fun.
*baby doing cb closing too.
and im have ervy as my trainee.
great.!
looking forward,
mind u,
its the first time i looking forward to do cb closing kays.?
and bingbing,
u shud thanks me for giving up my box to u.
hump.
hahas.

byes peeps.

2006-12-15T16:04:00.000-08:00

duh.
how many days have i din update.?
hahas.
super busy with alot of things.
and as usual alot of things happens.
boo.

met an car accident last wk.
dun worry.
im better alrd.
sch hols starting nxt wk and as usual my schedule are packed alrd.
grins.
i wil wan to make full use of it.
be it to enjoy,
to wrk,
or to catch up wad i had missed out in sch.
im looking forward to the 29th.
(:

sm unhappy things happened too.
but i dun wish to rack it up agn.
i dun wish to cry anymore.
boo.
i jus wan to haf fun fun and fun.

oh ya,
its time to mit up with shihui.
if nt she will really haunt me la.
grins.
wait for my date babe.!
loves.

darlings too.
felt so bad.
like v long din go out with them and all le.
im sry darlings.!
no matter how busy i am,
how rarely we mit,
i swear u gals are the ones i wil nvr forget and nvr failed to miss.
hope i wil be bck in spore on time to count dwn christmas.
(:
HUGGS you gals all TITE.!

CHRISTMAS.!
i love christmas.
and guess wad,
im like listening to christmas songs now.
but kinda like no atmosphere one.
hahas.!

ok.
gtg prepare for wrk alrd.
tk care everyone and yinjia!
bon voyage and haf a gr8 time at genting alrite.?
misses (:

i hope *you will never make me cry again anymore. dun hurt me anymore okays.?

2006-12-03T22:54:00.001-08:00

alot of things happen after the day i last posted.
but im jus too tired to write everything out.
will jus summarised those impt things.

29.11.06
finally,
we spent our first monthsary tgt.
yes,
finally i see this day coming.
thanks *baby for buying me the addidas jacket,
the nice me-to-you bear,
the nice nice card with swt words that really touches my hrt,
the movie which makes me almost puke,
the nice dinner at earle swensen.

to *sayang,
i noe alot of things happened.
alot of misunderstanding.
alot of unhappiness.
i apologise to everything tt i caused to make everything so bad.
i always feels that everything im at fault.
as in like if i cud be like last time,
i wudnt hurt *You in one way or another.
well,
ive told *you as much as i can abt how a person im actually like.
hope *you wil understand me more.
perhaps im really sucks at showing how much i cared and loved *you,
but trust me,
every single feeling i haf is so real.
really.
no matter wad bad things might happen to us,
i never thought of giving *you up.
trust me.
dun be afraid anymore alrite.?
aku cinta u.
(:

sch sucks now.
never felt so stress b4.
those never ending presentations,
those never ending discussions.
sigh.
now worse,
plus the probs i encountered in my clinical postings.
actually,
i wun feel so bad if tt "NURSING MANAGER" dun tok to me in tt way.
dun insult me.
dun humilate me.
i think i wun be so pissed.
hello,
as a NURSING MANAGER,
i think she shud haf enuff patience to explain things to her student,
try all ways to help her students
and NOT insult her student and ask her to get lost jus becoz her student ask a little more.
fcuk.
can anyone jus understand this feeling.?
anyway,
im gg to lodge a complain on her.
she dun desreve my respect.
even mummy wanted to cum dwn sch to TALK to her.
oh please,
can see how terrible is she.?
now,
she gg to post me to NUH to do my peads poasting.
thanks.
NUH which is like 2 hrs journey frm my hse.
thanks alot hurr.
freak.
anyway,
i wan to thnx 2 wonderful teacher.
for the help they offered.
yes,
i think tt is how a gd model for all student to follow.
arghs.
goodbye to all my hols tis sem.
9 wks of postings.
wow.
cudnt imagine how things wil be like.
i hope i still can cope.
stil can handle the stres.
and i hope please,
no more other unneccessary stress and pressure.
and problems.
if not i SURE brk dwn.
im not strong as other think i was.
smtime, wil jus get weary after been so strong for sooo long.

sigh.
bye peeps.
off for discussion AGN.
):

ps: i miss *him. i cant see *him till tmr. boo.

2006-11-26T08:18:00.001-08:00

FUCK IT.!

FUCK MY LIFE.!

2006-11-24T22:33:00.001-08:00

i wish things could change.
i wish i could change.
i wish i could be the cynthia hu used to be with her.
the cynthia that gives in everytime,
the cynthia that say ok to almost everything,
the cynthia that never gets angry over small small things,
the cynthia that never expect so much frm the other party,
the cynthia that never ask for more.
the cynthia that have super alot of patience.
the cynthia the cynthia..

sigh.
im weak.
im tired.
but i never wan to give up.

arghs.
fuck la.
im pissed by my mum can.
fuck.!

blog other time.

FUCK

2006-11-20T00:27:00.001-08:00

now in my room.
sitting in front of the window.
drilling outside.
super noisy.
blust music into my ears with my earpiece.
doesnt wan to hear anything frm outside except the music.
but why am i hearing the cries coming from my hrt.?
and why im feelin the pain inside me.?
shudnt i be happy.?
but why am i cryin while im blogging.

it had yet our 1 mth.
but ive been cryin and hurting so many times.
oh boy,
do *you noe its my first time i feel so bad in a just-started rs.
on the other hand,
i wil nvr forget all the happy times we shared.
but y issit tt bad moments are seems to be taking over everything.?
y issit so true tt when things turn bad,
everyone tends to think of the bad things instead of the good ones.?
by doin tis,
its really much more hurting.
but,
ya,
its smth in human beings.
that no one can change it.

last nite i practically cried the whole nite.
cry myself to slp.
it had been quite some time since i did tis.
i think back.
alot alot alot of things.
everything with her.
everything *him.
i feel so guilty.
i blame myself for everything.
for hurting the one hu loves me so much.
and yes,
that's *you.
im so fucking selfish tt i dunno how to understand *you.
im so fucking stupid to get angry with *you when *you got *your reason.
im jus so fucking sucky to be a good girlfriend now.

there is always this super unpleasant feeling in within me.
the feelin that makes me feels that i dun desreved to be loved so dearly by *you.
the feeling that's telling me that *you shudnt had love me and let me hurt *you.
but i dun wan to lose *you either.
i love *you dearly.
really.
i do.
but somehow i just really dunno how to show.
the selfishness,
the over protection i haf in me.
they are just stopiing me and turning me into a super bad gf.
im sorry.
i dunno wad to do.
can *you tell me.?
i wan to move on and on with *you.
i really want.
i dying to want it.
but if things btw us cant be solved,
we can nvr move on long.
yes,
we are fearing over the same thing.
fearing tt *you will lose me,
i will lose *you.
i know *you are afraid of getting disappointment.
im afraid of getting hurt.

well,
i really wish one day all these will go away.
and im sure if all these goes away,
we can be really happy.

pray.
sincerely.
hardly.

):

2006-11-15T14:52:00.000-08:00

was suppose to haf bio lect but lecturer on mc.
so decided to blog b4 miting jud and head dwn to ps.
had been really shag these days.
yawns.
grandma discharged alrd.
im glad.
(:
and to tok abt hosp,
im like super pissed off by tt fucking lecturer who tok to me the other day.
pls,
i felt so insulted can.
and as a nursing manager,
i dun think tt is how she shud tok and behave.
its like so wad the fuck la.
wadeva.
jus do wad she wants and i wil jus follow.
wad to do.
i stil wan to graduate and be a SN.
boo.
fcuked up.

hmmm,
there is things i wan to tok abt regarding rs im having with *him.
but i dunno how to start.
all i can sae i noe i love *him,
i noe i wudnt wan to lose *him so fast,
i noe ive been really expecting alot from *him.
i noe its really unfair but i seriously dunno how to stop expecting.
i really hate myself for tis.
really.
so much that i wish i cud lose all the memories i had with her last time.
so i wil stop fearing,
stop protecting myself so much which eventually leads me to be more expecting.
i hate been like tis.
sigh.

sry *syg,
im jus fearing.
really fearing.
but i love *you.
yes i really do.

now im afraid tt i will start having this "wadeva" attitude towards someone.
someone hu is my close fren.
someone i always likes to tok with abt everything.
but recently alot of things happened to her.
i tried tellin her wad i can and wad i feel.
but she dun seems to do anything abt it.
or rather maybe she tried but i cant see.
and instead getting herself in more trouble.
i wish all these erm,
i wun say rusbbish but annoying problems wil end soon.
sry.
im someone like tis.
tried changing but i cant.
and i din wan too.
becoz been someone hu is not really myself is so tiring and so fake.
dun u all think so.?

sigh.
wad had happened to me.?

hurt.

sometime i wonder if asking for pure happiness and troublefree are smth impossible.

2006-11-12T15:49:00.000-08:00

now rotting at home till its time to go wrk.
im having a serious cramp now la.
wonder how am i gg to survive thru my eos.
boo.

well,
things are nt very nice these days.
i think alot.
alot for myself.
alot for *him.
i noe very clearly that i love *him alot.
and i noe very clearly that i doesnt want to lose *him.
but i jus keep thinkin and feeling that ever since i enter *his life,
*he seems to be so physically tired and stressed up.
it hurts to see *him like tis.
and the only solution to it is to leave *him.
but i noe it wil be bad for both of us becoz we feel for each other.
sigh.
i dunno how to say but i just wish everything wil be fine becoz i needed *him.
i need *him becoz i love *him.
yes,
finally i understand tis phase.
*he is the reason i realised all these.
loves.

i cant tk it anymore.
the pain is killin me.
byes.

2006-11-09T17:39:00.000-08:00

first,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SOON YINJIA
finally 18 le hurr.
can buy drink le hur.
laughs.
enjoy ur day todae.!
(:

ytd went to celebrate my dear yinjia's birthday.
ate kenny rogger and its really yummy.
den i showed it off to *syg.
laughs.
too bad *he wrking.
cant eat.
wahahahaha.

went to esplanade after tt to tk some fotos.
i realised the scenery over there at nite is like as if u were at hong kong.
hahas.
den we head dwn to ps.
they left for home and i went to fetch *him.

realise tt i really cant like dun see *syg for one day.
i find it super weird.
boo.
and obviously,
im seeing *him later after my evening class.
see if *he will to be late.
shall think of a punishment for *him for been late.
laughs.

hmm.
brain stucked.
dunno wad else to blog alrd.

i hate MR HARY.

2006-11-08T01:06:00.000-08:00

shud i say today is a good day or shud i say its a bad one.?
i cried tis early morn.
and frm it i realise how much *he actually means to me.
i din realise this is how much i wanted from *him.
*his super close attention to my feelings.
*his sensativity towards my feelings and all.
and i din realise this is how much i wanted *him to be in my life.
maybe there is nth call forever but as long as i cud hold *him in my life.
as long as i am allowed to.

the meeting with *him during my brk was nt good at first.
i really hate the feeling.
the feeling of unhappiness,
pissed-ness,
disappointment.
i jus hate-d them all.
but im glad everything was alrite after tt.
really.

*sgy i really hope you will kip ur wrds when u said it. i really dun like the disappointment i haf frm you. it hurts me. sorry for the expectation. i know its kinda unfair to you somehow but i dunno how to stop expecting. im really trying real hard. gif me time alrite.? i wish we cud pass tis 1 month smoothly. after which, things wil be in place better and nicer for both you and me. promise, we will say things out whenever things goes wrong. okays.? aku cinta kau. (:

i need to lose ALOT of fats.
shugs.
im like getting fatter and fatter and im getting really irritated by those irritating fats on my body.
tennis.!
i wan to lose weight.!
):

2006-11-06T22:04:00.000-08:00

hello.!!
im finally back after mia-ing for like how many donkey years.
laughs.
so how's everyone.?!
back to sch alrd rite.?
and so do i.
today was my first day and im super so not used to it la.
so weird returning home SOO early.
esp i cant spend time with *him.

% suprised %

why is a *him now hurr.?
laughs.
yupp,
im with a GUY now.
a wonderful guy i must say.
*he showed me what is love abt ALL over agn.
every little things *he touches me so deeply.
and let me realised tt i deserved someone better,
someone knows how to love me better.
and this wonderful person is
Mr. Hary
(:
~~im missing you now can~~

im glad that mummy allows us tgt.
thanks to my dearest sis, jacqueline.
you really helped me alot tis time round.
thank god i noe u since i was 1yr old and thank god mummy trust u so much.
laughs.
and oso thank my aunt.
for helping me say out how i feel deeply and "psycho" my mum in accepting tis whole thing.
thanks thanks.!
hugs.

as for my past,
i wouldnt forget.
the good and the bad times.
at least once in my life,
i knew i loved someone like her so deeply before.
and wad i can showered her with i alrd did.
all i just wish everything are worthwhile for the whole 1 yr im with her.
and wishes her all the best.
be it in her career or love or health.
eat more.!
you are still as skinny as before.
grins.
thanks and u wil always be my kor.
smile.

well,
gonna wrk hard tis sem.
i dread rpting modules.
fcuk can.
boo.
and im trying soo hard to change my lifestyle back to normal.
no stayin out late.
no drinking anymore.
no shopping as and when i wan.
worst,
no spending LOTS of time with *him.
boo.
sounds boring.
):

byes.
gtg and wrk out my time table.
nites.

// you are the one i belongs to. i want to. always. as long as i could.. . LOVES .

2006-10-12T15:40:00.000-07:00

din have alot time to blog.
so i just come and say hello everyone.
im happy these days.

im sorry to *you.
perhaps o really no nid to say sorry but i stil want to.
moreover *you are someone i really really did love ALOT before.
want to know where *you stand now.?
its alrd deep in my hrt tt i cudnt get rid of alrd.
so i wil always rem *you.
rem tt i did loved *you before.
goodbye.

thanks syg.
really.
it wouldnt be so great if i din haf u ard.
i appreciate EVERYTHING u did for me.
really.
i wil try my best to trust u.
all i nid now is time.
its hard to turn back str8 completely.
hope u understand.

give me the life i desreve.
i pray.

2006-10-02T01:56:00.000-07:00

going for a 3 days 2 nites chalet agn at sentosa.!
yeah.!
im looking forward to it.
drink drink drink.!
yeah.!
and my first time to wild wild wet.
(:

sorry.
i have been tryin really hard to be busy with alot alot of things and reach home really EARLY in the morn.
is tis the life i wan.?
i dunno.
but im likin it slowly and i wudnt wan to change it.

to *you,
sorry if i really neglected *you these days.
seriously,
im tryin how see how life it wud be really without *you.
after wad happen tt nite.
i no longer hold high hopes anymore.
becoz whenever im holdin on to any high hopes,
i will be fallin even bad-der.
do i really deserves all these.?
i wonder.
sometime i thinks if *you really loves me,
*you wudnt even bear to do a single things tt hurt me.
okays.
i might sound like complaining now.
but yes,
tis is how i feel and wad i had been thinkin abt these days.
when was the last time i seen *you.?
and when will be the next time i will see *you.?
i dunno.
perhaps,
till i really can noe how life is realli like without *you.
i dun wan anymore hurts.
i wan love.
the love i deserve.
i really wish *you wud tell me tis,
" i need you because i love you"
and not
" i love you because i need you"
can *you see the difference.?
):

to my mr nice guy,
thanks alot alot alot for being there for me since tt very day.
everything you did really touches me and i realli appreciate it.
the sudden brkfast u brought to my place,
the worry when i start to cry these nights,
the worry when i start drinking these nights.
im sure u had really seen the ugly sight of me.
i dun mind showin all my ugly sides becoz i noe u are someone hu can accept me as hu i am,
dun mind even me been once a lesbian or even a lesbain for the rest of my life or rather i shud sae been a bisexual as i grow,
not forcing me anything or wad.
really thanks.
IF ever there is one day we wud be tgt,
i hope my family ppl cud accept u as a malay.
i really wish they will.
thanks.
mr. hary
much of appreciation.

i wish i cud find the answer to everything im goin thru now. im not happy as you guys thot i am.
):

2006-09-23T14:57:00.000-07:00

i lose the one dearest to me.
i lose the one my hrt beat for.
i lose the one hu is the reason smile for.
i lose the one hu is alrd part of my life for a yr.
i lose the one i nvr blow up before.
i lose the one i love no matter how bad *she treats me.
i lose that one and only one.

*baby.

tell me i deserve *you doing all these to me.
am i.?

3 more days to anni.
and at this very moment.
i lose *you.

fuck my life.!

2006-09-20T21:26:00.000-07:00

im lost.
once all over agn.
why do i feel the distance.?
cant things stay like it was the past 1 mth.?
i want to see *you.
so badly.

)':

2006-09-19T03:11:00.000-07:00

it had been some time since i last feel this way.
it had been some time since *gf treat me this way.
it had been some time since i closed my eyes and i start tearing.
it had been some time since i feel so hurt by everything *she says to me.

*dear,
can *you stop doing all these to me agn.?
please dun let me suffer all over agn.
please dun let me adapt to ur attitude agn.
im hurt.
so badly tis time becoz im so used to the nicest of *you.
and i dun expect *you to do all these to me agn.
our 1st yr is coming.
yes,
i want to spend it with *you.
so much that im planing things now.
anyway,
do *you rem it.?
sigh.
*you noe my tears are dropping agn for *you.?
do *you noe how i pass my day today.?
do *you know how much i hate feeling this way.?
how much i hate crying.?

what's wrong now.?
what did i do this time that i caused *you to treat me tis way agn.?
am i to blame to deserve all these.?

i really wish its just a one day thing.
i hope tmr,
everything wil be alrite.
i dun wan to cont tis way.
i swear i will get into depression.
and please not at this time.
i wan to pass my sup paper.
*baby ,
can *you see how u means to me.?
how actually *you can affect me in one way or another.?
i need *you .
yes i do.
so dun leave me at this very moment.
tell and show me im jus thinking too much.
i wish to see *you tmr.
but im oso prepared to miss *you more with *your absence.

im tired but i still want to move on with it jus becoz,
i love *you.
too much.

2006-09-18T00:35:00.000-07:00

where are *you.?
i so much wanted to see *you today.
*you told me to wait till *you wake up and go over *your place.
but till now,
i din hear any single thing from *you.
im kinda disappointed.
but i understand.
hope *you had rest well in these 24 hrs of slp.
i love *you.
i miss *you.

more to blog but not in the mood.

nights.

):

~~i dun wan to feel so empty agn, please *baby.~~

2006-09-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

back from my 3 days 2 nites chalet.
it was great.!
*baby was great too.!
*she came on the first ntie to slp over.
im so happy tt *she can get along with my frens.!
that is great.
i love *you.!
(:

its really nice to see everyone gets tgt and haf fun.
all managers turned up except elynn.
wad a waste.
boo.
im glad tt my marinated chicken wasnt tt bad.
laughs.
is nice rite.?
and the prawns i made was damn nice la.
hahas.!
went red house at nite,
wad a waste,
i din go in becoz of smth.
seems like i gt no chance to go in anyway.
3rd time there 3 times i cudnt go in.
boo.
no more gg there anymore.
humpf.
grins.

din really get to slp becoz of the musical fountain.
hahas.
those hu stayed over noe wad im tryin to say.
and i think im one of the musical instruments too.
hahs.!
so ytd i reached home i slpt all the way til dinner time,
den after tt slpt at 10 plus all the way til tis afternoon.
hahs.
now im having a split headache.
probaly too much slp and oso a little of hang over.
me and meilan drank quite alot.
we finish 3/4 of the bracavi.
and i swear i prefer absolute.
hahas.!
but weiting and meilan says my mixing is nice.
tyty.
we played hai dai quan.
towards the end me and meilan was tipsy n i bet i made alot of ppl laughed when playing with meilan.
hahas.
but it was fun.

okies.
i gtg.
get myself prepared for another chalet.
gg over dia's birthday chalet with *gf.
yeah.!
anoother nite with *her.
(:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, girl.!

some ppl come some ppl leave. no matter wad may happen, i will nvr forget i once had alot of fun with u. u wil find someone better, someone hu deserve ur love, someone hu noe how to appreciate u nore than i do. she wil be the one u lookin for. perhaps its not me. u noe it well, i noe it better. move on, u wil be happier. and dun forget, u gt me here. as ur buddy, as ur "twin" since we haf the same birthday. (: tk care wee wee.!

2006-09-10T22:49:00.000-07:00

hello.!
im back.
boo.

im super lazy to update la.
but ya,
im gg for a 3 days 2 nite chalet tmr.
cant wait to enjoy to the max.
i wish *gf will cum tmr.
*she kinda hurt me by *her words jus now.
those false hope.
nvm.
wun take it to heart.

im searching.
desperately.
for the feeling i kinda lost it and missed.
i wan find back the closeness.
be it physically or emotionally.
the closeness we used to have for the past 11 months.
our first yr coming.
im excited.!
i wan to be with *you.
feeling all the love frm *you.
):

feelin bad.
shall leave.
goodbye.

*baby i wish *you will turn up tmr.
really.

2006-09-08T15:37:00.000-07:00

updating.

the day before,
met darlings and colleagues for movie marathon.
thanks ah low for the free show to the host.
it was damn great and i scared my eye candy and aloy by screamin abit loud and i nudged eye candy.
luaghs.
(:

aloy me and ah yew.!

stupid hubby giving that stupid face.
darling jia and me.
darling bing and me.

ytd met shihui x.mark joyce peiting and ray to choir.

mr liew stil as nice as b4.

lunch was on him and it was GREAT.

yummy.

hahas.
my dearest choir girls. LOVEs.

BEST choir conductor.! daddy LIEW. darling mark and me.!
used to be this swt hurr boy.? (x

feelin bad recently.
althout i reall really enjoy the life im having now but somehow,
things arent tt great as i thot it was.
i hate losing frens becoz of love.
i hate rumours kip goin ard.
i hate it when my fren is been pulled dwn into the shit tt gt nth to with him.
*im sorry yew*
sigh.
how long will this matter last.
when will everything's dwn and everyone are back to like how we were when we first met.
i wish u haf nvr noe me so u wun be sufferin and i wun be hurting anyone.
and tt includes u.

there is alot of things to blog but nt really in the mood to.
so ya,
enjoy ur day everyone.

i miss *gf .!!

2006-09-06T02:07:00.000-07:00

hey everyone.!
now im still in gv.
grins.
sebas and wee doin last round of detailed cleaning and im in ofc chatting wif ah low.
laughs.
and im dwn with a serious bad flu now and its realli driving me crazy can.
boo.

candy bard closing was stil alrite aside tt i slam tt metal door in my rt 3 fingers.
hahs.
how careless can i be la.
last nite or rather tis morn,
i did detailed cleaning till 6 plus,
slack in ofc,
lied on eye candy's leg and almost fall aslp.
its kinda swt la.
hahas.
and pls,
if YOU are tryin to spike me with tt gal,
well,
im sry.
i wasnt jealous at all but it jus kinda turned me off.
wadeva.
den went home to slp at like 10 and woke up at 2 for wrk at 420.
and yet,
im stil so alert now can.

to you:
PLEASE KIP IN MIND THAT WE ARE NTH AT ALL.
I DUN THINK U GT ANY RIGHTS TO SAY MY DARLING AND TOK TO HER LIKE AS IF U CARE SO MUCH FOR ME.
HELLO,
U ARE JUS TRYIN TO MALKE HER ANGRY AND UPSET,
N ME TOO.
DUN EVER THINK WAD U DO CAN MAKE ME HAPPIER AND LET ME FEEL LIKE IM PROTECTED,
WELL,
I CAN TELL U THAT I DUN NID IT.
THINGS HAD PAST AND WADS THE FUCKIN PROB WITH U THAT U GT TO BRING IT UP AGN AND HURT HER.
LEAVE HER AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
THANKS.

think he had alrd hit my limit.
my highest limit.
it had been so long since i last blew up and felt so irritated.
i dun nid care and concern that wil lead me to further trouble instead.
if u cant accept that im tis friendly,
den jolly well leave me alone.
and stop using other gal to spike me u are not hurting me but u are hurting urself and the gal.
get me.?

i miss *gf.
wonder when will i get to see *her.
tmr im busy with my frens.
hopefully i can mit *her tmr.
i wan to see *her more.!
boo.

ah yew.!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.!
i <3>
laughs.
thanks for ur banana milk.!
(:
but i wan dutch lady plain milk.!
grins.

2006-09-01T19:20:00.000-07:00

busy days.

happy days.

fastrated days.

fucked up days.

yes, these are the days i had since mon.

boo.

but i think im still coping well.

in life, we gain and wil lose.

so ya,

wad else can i ask for more.?

i can be mean.

i can be stubborn.

i can be unreasonable.

i can be loud.

i can show my attitude when u hits my limits.

i can hate u even if u did nth much to me.

as long i dun think u are nice,

u disgusted me,

i wil despite u.

completely.

yes, tis is me.

if u dun like it.

dun bother to try likin it.

im someone hu hates to be controlled.

i believe that i gt my rights to tok to anyone and to be close with anyone.

be it guy or gals.

so wad if im cr8,

and ive a *gf.?

i noe my limits and i noe hu is the one i REALLY love.

and that's only *her.

i wan to respect u and i want to be respected too.

i jus loved been br8 and been more open than normal gals.

im jus too used to the environment i had these yrs in poly.

and yes, that's me.

im tried of arguing and giving attitude.

im hard.

u are too.

becoz we are the exact same date babies.

so if u wan to stop all these,

u gotta gif in becoz im used to be given in to and i wun wan to change.

moreover,

u are a guy.

sry, tis is my mentality of a guy and a gal.

seriously,

STOP being paraniod,

and things will be better.

trust me.

and there is no nid of running away frm ur feelings.

becoz in the end,

the one tt wil be utterly hurt is u not me.

no one knows ur feelings better than u, urself.

so if by saying those decieving wrds to me makes u feels better,

go ahead becoz its u tt wil be hurt in the end.

i wun n cant do anything to stop it either.

well, u nid to noe how to handle ur own feelings better before loving someone else.

if not,

everything will just falls apart and i wun be the one on the losing side. i

s u.

and i dun wish this will happen.

so.. u noe wad to do.?

ytd i had a gr8 gr8 day.!

my new PL.!

berls, i LOVE u to bits.!

smucks*

grins.

went bck NVSS wif rach and ping.

met sm teachers.

glad tt they stil rems us.

hahas.

and mama chia.!

y u go on course at tis time.??

boo.

i miss u la.!

miss shouting "mama chia" infront of everyone.

hahas.

went ps,

had a hair cut AGN.

met mel after tt.

stil as handsome.

wahaha.

love her too la.!

nvr fail to cheer me up.

waited for eye candy to fin box,

helped him thru the closing part.

grins.

was suppose to watch movie but due to sm reason which i dun wan to rack it up agn,

we end up drinkin outside 7-11.

dunno wad happen to me,

i get high so easily ytd.

maybe becoz of my fucked up mood.

grins. but was fun.

get to know minyew.

nice guy i must sae.

grins.

okays,

gtg mit *gf.

yeappies.! (:

my stupid ex. laughs.

darling shihui n me.!

jr corine and me.

my fav eng teacher. mrs gibson.!

rachel. me. meiping

shen jun and me.

berls PL. iloveher.!

eye candy. yewyew. CUTE.!

i jus simply love her la. (x

2006-08-29T02:02:00.000-07:00

hello.
had a busy weekends.
wrk wrk and wrk.
but i love it.
grins.

darling yinjia and bing went genting today.
sad can.
i miss them la.
faster come back.!
first time we din go overseas tgt.
i find it so weird.
boo.

wad shud i say abt todae.?
can i say it was a fucked up day.?
but its not really becoz had great time with eye candy todae.
and aloy.
grins.
but i stil find it kinda fucked up.
not gg to say much on it if not i wil jus blow up agn and i doesnt wan it.
one thing i wan to say,

please dun come and bother about me if u are just tryin to pull me and eye candy tgt or jus to spike me with smth or sm one.
go ahead and do things tt u think u will be happier with.
u think its good for u.
we are just not meant to be.

thanks eye candy for been there to kinda cheer me up.
grins.
u are cute la.!
hahas.!
hope to wrk tgt agn n we can crap agn.
hahas.!

as for things between me and *gf.
everything is fine i suppose.
but there is this weird feeling.
this feeling coming frm me which i doesnt like it.
are we really distant abit.?
or we are just getting into a matured rs,
when we no longer misses each other so much,
no longer wanted to mit each other so often.
and the love is still there.
i suppose.?
how long cud we last like tis.?
i wish it wil be long.
i seriously doesnt wan to try to get used to another person.
its soo tiring.
*gf is gd enough.
if we really were to end,
*she will be the last person hu i will wan to be with.
UNLESS there is someone else out there can give me more than i can give.
grins.

i hate it.

~~fcuked.~~

2006-08-25T01:58:00.000-07:00

Behind the hazel eyes
by kelly clarkson

Seems like just yesterday
*You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
*Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought *you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But *you won't get to see the tears I cry

I told *you everything
Opened up and let *you in
*You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
Cause I can't breathe

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating *you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore.

to my one and only:

i wish *you could see what *you do to me.
those nights when i earn for *your touch,
for comfort to let me know i am safe from harm,
i miss them.

now *you seem so distant,
i can only sense *your presence in my heart.

have i changed?
am i asking too much?

just to be loved,
just asked to be held in *your arms is all i ask for.
just to see *you even for the littlest of time,
just to see *you,
that is enough to make me smile.

what are the measures I have to go to,
to show my true affection to *you.?
are *you so afraid of commitment.?
*you seem to run away when i need *you the most,
it is just not meant to be.

i am tired, weary and gotten old
trying to make *you understand,
should I just give up?

but its not true that i do not love *you any less,
oh i do,
so much but what is the point when all my love goes untouched,
never felt by the one i give it up to.

Unappreciated,
that is how i feel.

*baby,
show me *you love me?

thanks colt for writing out my feelings inside.
love u gal.!

2006-08-24T01:34:00.000-07:00

*dear,
why are *you always not there when i needed.?
why are *you not willing to give up some of *your time that will be spending on bed to just acc me for a fast dinner.?
do *you know how disappointed i was just now when i recieve that kind of reply frm *you.?
i noe i should be understanding enough that i *you are tired after a day wrk,
but somehow,
i felt that *you shoudl sacrifice abit for me.?
issit too much from me.?
i dunno.
im sorry if i am been so unreasonable here.
but,
yes *baby,
smtime i just wish this much that *you will be there when i needed.
can the thoughtfulness of *yours when we started off be bck.?
i wish it will.
really.
sorry.

i can be more careless than this.
i rem my paper's date wrongly.
i was suppose to haf HS1082 like later of the day,
but i wrote on my calender tt is on fri.
lucky pris called to asked smth.
if not i think i will be like dead meat.
phew*
thanks pris.

okays.
julian is a ms nice.
always thot she is those kind of bung hu is like damn dao.
but ya,
she is nice after the conver in msn jus nw.
grins.

off to study.
nite everyone.

*gf,
i love *you still.
as much.

2006-08-23T00:48:00.000-07:00

define love.
define care.
define happiness.
define what is meant for me.

show me *your true self.
show me *your heart.
show me that *you still love.
show me that *you still care.

i really hate it when i start feeling the distance.
i really hate it when i start feeling the coldness.
i really hate it when i start feeling the ignorance.

*baby,
why cant things stay like last week.
times were really great.!
really.
and im starting to love them and wudnt want it to stop at all.
i felt so close to *you.
i felt *your misses.
the tone on the fone and the way *you msged me were so swt and heart feeling.
i love them.!
i really do.
cont pls.
always and forever.
will *you.?

i wish one day *you will read all these. all these days, months of my feelings deep inside. the feelings *you nvr noe, i nvr mentioned. will *you understand me a little more.? im just like a baby, a little kid, hu wants to be coax, to be loved and cared. i want to smile. evryday, every moment of my life. esp in front of *you. and the only person can bring the most beautiful smile to me is *you. have *you ever noe about it.? just 3 simple words, i wil smile. i love *you. so much. that im fearing. i am.

):

2006-08-23T00:23:00.000-07:00

i hate it.
i hate it when i couldnt stop crying.
i hate it when my emotions over take everything.
i feel so helpless now.
i feel so lost.
where is the person i nid.?
where is *she.?
why am i feelin the distance between us now.
what had went wrong this time.?
am i thinkin too much agn.?
i hate it.!

i want to slp.
forever.

*dear,
i need *you so badly now.
really.

):

2006-08-22T01:27:00.000-07:00

Just a gentle whisper
Told me that *you're gone
Leaving only memories
Where did we go wrong
I couldn't find the words then
So let me say them now
I'm still in love with *you

Tell me that *you love me
Tell me that *you care
Tell me that *you need me
And I'll be there
I'll be there waiting

I will always love* you
I will always stay true
There's no one who loves *you like i do

Come to me now
I will never leave *you
I will stay here with *you
Through the good and bad I will stand true
I'm in love with *you

Now we're here together
Yesterday has passed
Life is just beginning
Close to *you at last
And I promise to *you
I will always be there
I give my all to *you

Living life without *you
is more than I can bear
Hold me close forever
I'll be there
I'll be there for *you

Hold me closer
Our love is forever
Holding us together
Nothing in this world can stop us now
Not in the future
I'm so in love with *you.

i wish *you cud really see the true love inside me.
the love i nvr thought of giving it to anyone else anymore.
if even there is this day we have to bid farewell,
i wud nvr love the others like how i had for *you.
have been thinkin alot.
and im clear my feelings for *you.
like *you told me,
smtime things i can solve myself.
yes,
i believe i cud.
but all i need now is *your love and support.
telling me that no matter what,
*you will always be here.
*baby,
will *you do so.?

okays.
bio paper today was a disaster.
screwed.
sub paper.
i hate failing.
but i swear i tried hard tis time.
fcuk.
):

2006-08-21T13:00:00.000-07:00

i hate to miss.
i hate to miss *gf sooo much and i cudnt say anything.
i hate it.
so much that i wish i wil jus stop breathing.
i felt so saffocated.
im tired of ctaching my breathe.
*baby do *you noe how much i miss u.
so out of the sudden.
i want to hear from *you that *you are not goin to me,
not going to hurt me anymore.

i hate to admit im weak.
i hate to admit tt words like last nite can hurts me.
i hate to cry over things like tis.
dun i deserve things better than these.?

felt so fucked up nw.
so so so fcuked up.
i wan a brk.
a long brk.
be it i wud even gets into coma.
i want it.

*baby i needed *you. so much.

2006-08-20T01:11:00.000-07:00

well,
im suppose to slp by now becoz i haf to wake up like at 7 tmr.?
but dunno y,
im jus feelin this low.
i cudnt help thinkin of unnecessary things.
i noe i miss *gf.
like alot.
damn alot.
outta sudden.
even thou i just like met *her an hr ago.
and im gg to spend the rest of the day after the family day with *her.

hearing ppl ard me are brkin up with their love ones.
im fearing.
i wudnt wan to end with *gf agn.
not agn.
but sigh.
we haf to.
one day.

these days,
things between us are great.
*she treating me so well.
so much better than im getting used to it agn.
im so afraid tt one day,
*she wud jus t attitude me agn and all.
i think i wudnt noe how to tk it agn.
man,
im fearing.
really.

does everyone need to lose their impt ones in order to learn to treasure them.?
wouldnt it be too late.
if there's a way bck,
its fine.
but wad if there isnt any a single chance anymore.?
will we regret.?
i noe i will.
definitely.

okays.
emo agn.
im tryin so hard to hold bck my tears tonite.
i promise i wudnt let them falls.

nights everyone.

*baby, i love *you. can *you feel it.?

2006-08-18T15:05:00.000-07:00

nice blogskin hurr.?
grins.
i love it.

sorry if i hurt u indirectly.
dun let it affect u okays.?
studies more impt.
sry.

cant wait to see *gf ltr.

off to study.
byes.!

2006-08-17T00:56:00.000-07:00

As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Til the end of time forever
You're the only love
I'll need

In my life You're all that matters
In my eyes the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one that's there for me

When I found You I was blessed
And I will never leave You, I need You

Imagine me without You
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day, I'd be afraid
Without You there to see me through

Imagine me without You
Lord, You know it's just impossible
Because of You, it's all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can't imagine me without You

When You caught me I was falling
You're love lifted me back on my feet
It was like You heard me calling
And You rush to set me free

an awesome song.
imagine me without you.
thnx to berl and
oh ya,
noe you are facing some little probs.
dun be upset.
u gt me.
my ears are always here to listen n my hugs to be given.
grins.
thou u are at bukit panjang and im at hougang.
laughs.
cheer up swts.
(:

yes,
i did imagine how it wud be like without *you.
but i wouldnt want to noe the ans so far.
i wan to love *you.
yes i do.

love me too.

2006-08-15T00:03:00.000-07:00

okays.
exams nxt week.
there is alot to memorise for bio.
boo.

seriously,
i cant wait for sunday.
i cant wait i cant wait.
reason.?
secrets.
hahas.

i miss *gf.
i love *gf.
no matter wat.
my feelings are stil true and strong.
always.

2006-08-11T16:15:00.000-07:00

there are some more pics but i cudnt upload them.
hahas.
nvm.
but overall.
i enjoy alot alot.

thanks to:

yinjia meibing sinyi lynnette mellissa jessica jinn pamela weiting andyO brian victor yiwen yocksoon ramlan yewyew
for turning up ytd for the dinner and movie.
loves.
i enjoy alot.

judith ivy yana jacq joyce mala siti
for the flowers, tarts, presents.

berline weekiat yewyew *tt guy
for the puzzle and flowers.

nvr forget my best yiwen
for the biggest boquet of roses i ever recieved.
loves.

me brother sebas
for the tigger with pampers.
laughs.

and those who wishes me.
thanks all swts.!

lastly,
thanks *gf for coming over in the morning and slp hurr.
luaghs.
now stil slpin la.
im hungry le.!
hugs.

best birthday ever.
thanks everyone.
sry if miss out anyone else.
but i appreciate everything.!

and oso,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO WEEKIAT.
its his birthday too.
thanks for everything too.

2006-08-11T01:48:00.000-07:00

not going to go into details of my celebration today.
my fotos wil show it all.
laughs.
to be updated*
(:

2006-08-08T17:45:00.000-07:00

hello.!
back.
laughs.
was busy with sch projects, exams and work.
busy busy.
tired tired.
but i kinda love tis type of life.
grins.
sry *gf today i abandoned *you to go to wrk.
grins.
see *you tmr alrite.?
(:

quite alot of things happen to me reacently.
there is one thing i will like to say to someone.
dunno if he wil get to read tis but ya,

to you:
im glad i found a fren like u.
someone with EXACTLY same birthday as me,
born in the same hosp too.
its reali hard to find someone like tis.
like 1 out of the 100.
(:
i enjoy ur accompany.
i enjoy msging with you.
i enjoy wrking with u too.
but there is one thing i dun enjoy is to hurt you.
silly boy,
u noe im not str8,
u noe im att,
u noe i dunno how to trust guys anymore,
y u stil wan to get urself into tis.?
i noe i gt no rights to blame u or what so ever,
but i wish i wil stop hurting you.
tell me wad i can do.
i noe u dun feel gd kip making fun of me and my eye candy.
sm more he is ur gd fren.
so wil u stop it n dun hurt ur self anymore.
i dun wan to feel awkward in future in facing u.
i wan to be close frens with u.
jus like how u n berline.
im sure we can be gd frens like tt.
alrite.
im sorry.
i cant accept ur feelings for me.
my *gf still stands a bery impt place in my hrt.
and i stil dun wan to gif up tt place for someone else.
not for a guy i suppose.
im sorry.
no matter wat,
u are still the impt boy-friend i love to have.
lastly,
SORRY.!

alrite.
off to wrk.
yeap.
eye candy.
laughs.

i miss *you.
grins.

2006-08-04T17:32:00.000-07:00

emo away.

i want the life i deserve.

*you are badly missed.

2006-08-03T00:45:00.000-07:00

i miss my *gf.
like so much.

i wan to see my *gf.
like so desperate.

but is *she feeling the same way.?

when wil i get to see *her.?

):

emo away-

2006-08-02T10:59:00.000-07:00

was suppose to mit my clique to wrk on our elective web page.
BUT end up realizing tt my lappy doesnt haf the front page software.
wad a lousy lappy it is la.
laughs.
so they went to e plaza to do but i cant bcoz of my nxt discussion.
man.
i felt like im a little busy woman.
like as thou i haf lots of mitings to attend.
laughs.

last nite was seriously a bad bad nite.
alrite.
im the one hu make it bad i think.
its my fault tt i dun even gif the basic trust to *gf.
im sorry.
i noe i shud had trust *you when u say tt the truth im gg to noe wun hurt me.
i wish i cud really trust *you like 100%.
or even more than that.
but im just afraid that i wil be hurt in one way or another when my trust were taken for granted. alot of things happen all tis while that makes me dunno how to trust.
not only *you but to everyone.
im getting worse.
but im doin is to protect myself.
i want to kip a perfrct image of *you in my hrt.
maybe when the truth is out,
everything were fine,
it wil gain all the trust in me of *you.
still,
i get myself prepared for the worst.
im sorry,
but i hope *you wil understand the fear in me.
and like i swear-ed,
i wun asked *you anymore things regarding tt.
i dun wan to end up quarrelin with *you.
(:

if ever i commited a sin,
if ever i break my biggest promise to everyone,
will i be forgiven.?
will there be someone hu wil understand the reason of my doings.?
i wonder and
im sorry.

met PL ytd in sch.
its like a mth plus since we met can.
we almost cudnt recoginse each other.
her hair is long now and she cudnt recognise me becoz my face like smaller.
laughs.
we had a gd chat.
really a good one.
i miss tokin to her la.
and we missed holding hands in town.
LAUGHS.
thanks for all ur encouragements and all.
i love you.
grins.

my one and only PL. LOVEs. (:

will i see *gf today.?

2006-08-01T20:29:00.000-07:00

today time pass fast.
str8 lessons frm 11 to 4pm.
tired can.
thnx girlfriend for buyin my burger if not i think i wud had fainted.
laughs.

well,
was suppose to mit *gf today but ya,
*she gt OT and*she cant mk it to mit me.
kinda disapoointed.
but understandable.
i wonder when wil be the day we are miting.
4 days havent seen each other.
boo.

*she said smth to me jus now tt makes me think alot now.
were talkin bout *her y not telling me *she mit yvonne and all.
den all *she said was tt at the 3rd wk of the mth,
i wil noe the truth.
man.
wad exactly it is la.
it wun make me feel better by saying this but wil onli makes me feel worse.
and obviously,
im thinkin of all sort of things.
*she says is smth tt wil nt hurt me.
den why cant *she say now.?
grrr.
im feeling so uneasy can.
i wan to noe i wan to noe.!
):

okies.
fuck.
i hate myself.
y must i call *you and asked *you things agn.
fuck.

2006-07-31T21:59:00.000-07:00

i seriously want to smoke.!
badly.
even it means i wil die after one stick.
i jus want to smoke.!

FAG.!

fucked.

2006-07-31T15:37:00.000-07:00

having an utter bad mood now.
hu can cheer me up.?

ytd was a bad day too.
will *you care for me a little more.?
if ever there is a day that *you wun find me agn,
will *you be searching.?
i want to feel *your love.
*your care.
and i m dying for *your honesty and truthfulness.
dun let me haf a chance to think that smth is hiden frm me.
im sorry but i jus needed all them.

to you:
my heart is small and every little part of it had *her in alrd.
so dun ever doubt on my sincerity that i said i wun fall for him.
dun forget,
im not str8.
(:

am i still as important as i was before to *you.?

2006-07-30T12:57:00.000-07:00

okies.
this blog is almost done.
left with the section WORDS.
still thinking of nice words to write.
think think.
laughs.

ytd wrk wasnt too bad.
except tt dear JEELIN make me open counter at candy bar towards the end of my shift.
boo.
and she allows me to write her testi saying " i hate jeelin"
well,
i aint tt bad to do tt.
laughs.
i want to watch helen and the baby fox.
looks nice.
cute.
grins.

now waiting for *gf to wake up and gif me a msg.
i dunno if we were miting today.
boo.
ytd *she made me sad agn.
*she went to mit yvonne and *she din sae anything.
thot all the while *she is slpin so i din dare to msg *her in case i wakes *her up.
but well,
end up *she was out with yvonne.
i asked about it yet *she still sae dun tell me.
as in,
ya,
i dun like it when *she says " i dun wan tell you"
is like y cant tell me.?
i felt as thou there im hiden frm smth.
sry,
but i jus feel tis way.
and i kinda blame myself tt i dunno how to gif the basic trust.
sry.

as for my birthday.
no more bbq nor chalet frm her.
its alrite.
no blame.
actually,
jus a simple celebration i'll be happy.
i jus nid *her to be by my side im glad enuff le.

shud i msg *her agn.?
struggle.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAYMOND BONG
(:

2006-07-28T23:53:00.000-07:00

found new blogskin.
and i like it alot.
sorry wefiy tt i used tis first.
(:

blog is stil under maintainence.
laughs.

*gf,
thanks for cheering me up today.
LOVEs.
(:

2006-07-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

If you were mine
I be your your everything
and you be the only thing that I would ever need
If you were mine,
I would tell everyone that
you are the only one that I could ever want

Everything I dreamed about
Everything that I talked about
One thing I can't live without
I wanna get closer to you
Can't stand being far away
Knowing that you don't feel the same way
Questioning bring tears to your eyes

All words I sing about
All that is that I write about
Only thing I wanna hear about
So that I can get closer to you
I know that there is someone else, but he's only thinking of himself
Doesn't make any sense for you being lonely

Let me be the one to share your hopes and dream
You'll never be alone again
cuz' I will hold you in this day
Please don't be afraid to let your brokenheart guide you
Into these open arms that long to surround you

2006-07-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

hello.
im back after 12386238743 yrs.
laughs.
how's everyone goin on.?
(:

thing for me are slowly to fall in place nicely.
the way i wanted it to be.
and the only way to make it all better is to be ignorance and nonchalent.
but but,
there is one thing im stil kinda sad about.
laughs.
*gf,
i wan to spend more than jus few hrs with *you on my birthday.!!!
i really want.
i dread saying good bye to *you on my birthday.
i want to spend the whole nite till morning with *you.
can i.?
pray hurr.
and oh ya,
*dearest,
i also wish to see out one year coming alrite.?
(:
dun forget wad we kind of plan hurr.
laughs.

well,
talkin about my birthday,
i wanted to say a big sorry to darling jia.
laughs.
i bet she is gg to kill me.
im super sorry.
we will set it,
we celebrate on the thurs alrite.?
DARLINGs and FRENS,
we wil celebrate on thurs,
the 10th.
im super sorry.!
laughs.
but thanks alot anyway.!
(:

sch wrks are getting heavier.
but its kinda gd becoz i wil be busy and i wil stop thinkin of things.
alrite.
dun feel like typing anymore.
laughs.
tk care everyone.!

okies,
christine came and type the sentence below HERSELF.
laughs.
" i love christine very very much... "

[jess] luaghs. we go watch agn. or can watch smth else. i think the wad fox thingy one not bad. looks touching. hahas. anyway, u can mk it on thurs.? the 10th.? (:

[nette] hey wad noti hurr.? its fun i think. hahas. the threesome.! i want to watch la. laughs. tag more.! misses.!

[yi dar] tell u, im angry with you okies. im gg to ignore u if jess cud mk it u cant. humpf. but i wil still love u la. hahas.

[debb] laughs. ive updated.! misses too.! cya soon.! u are invited to the celebration too if u dun mind. (:

[bing] silly, of coz i wil find u to tok bout my probs. u can understand me too. laughs. hugs. and cya ard.! (:

2006-07-26T22:53:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 10th monthsary.

will write more tmr.
(:

2006-07-17T22:47:00.000-07:00

work today wasnt too bad.
puting aside that i gt like 2 ulcers under my tongue and it hurts everytime i tok,
tok and tok til i gt sore throat *first time*,
at the end of shift,
realise tt i down 200 bucks.
BUT lucky,
arzahril up 200 bucks.
hahas.

i seriously wan to watch basic instinct 2.!
i will try all ways to get in to watch.
hahas.
and *gf says that *she wil watch with me.
yeah.
we'll see when tt day cum hurr.
laughs.

gg bck sch for rpt module tmr.
alone.
sad.
and after tt i gotta really settle dwn to do my elective pjt.
seriously,
i hate been the leader in the grp.
it really sucks alrite.
hahas.

cant wait for tmr.
i wan to see *her.
thou i just like saw *her ytd,
but i kinda misses *her now.
esp when *she is so engross doin things on *her fone and forget bout me.!
hahas.
kidding.

alrite.
im out of things to blog.
wish tmr wil be a happy day.
off to bed.

nights.

[wefiy] yeah yeah. MEET up REALLY soon kays.? oh ya, be free on my birthday can.? hees. go out tgt. ask pam too. ive asked mel. hees.!

[jess] thot u woudnt want to cum. =X nxt family day i bring u okies. hahas. u oso, be free on my birthday.? want to see all of you gals.! wif MEL WONG too. hahas.!

2006-07-15T23:15:00.000-07:00

hi.
im back.
was busy wif alot of things.
tryin to make myself busy.
(:

today went to gv family day at jurong point.
watched lake house.
well,
was kinda disappointed as in like i expected it to be like fantastic.
i love its movie quote..
" how do you hold on to someone you nvr met ? "
i find its really nice.
met up leon kor and all.
nice to see them after so long.
din really catch up becoz everyone seems so dull.
and tt includes me.
dunno y im jus so slpy and restless.
hees.
so we went bck quite early in the end.

things are getting on fine i guess.
i love wad i had now.
but today perhaps wasnt a really good day.
i suddenly felt the loniless smhow.
i feel wad is missing someone is like.
but the misses are meant to be kept in my hart becoz im afraid *she doesnt like it.
i dunno.
i jus feel this way.
and i seriously hate it.
hopefully this feelin wil go away if not i wil be the one suffering.
and i doesnt want tt to happen.

im missing *you.
badly.
now.
):

2006-07-12T21:50:00.000-07:00

it has been so long since we have talked
i hope that things are still the same
hoping they will never change
cuz what we had can't be replaced
don't let our memories fade away
keep me in your heart for always

you made me believe
i can do almost anything
stood right by me
through the tears through everything

I'll remember you
and baby thats forever true
you're the one that i'll always miss
never thought it would feel like this
i'll be there for you
no matter what you're goin' through
in my heart you'll always bef
orever baby i'll remember you

I promise you i won't forget
the times we shared the tears we cried
you'll always be the sun in the sky
it may be fate that brings us back
to meet again someday
even though we go separate ways

if the day should come when you need someone
you know that i'll follow
i will be there
don't ever let there be a doubt in your mind
cuz i'll remember you

forever baby i'll remember you

2006-07-12T20:52:00.000-07:00

yesterday met up with shihui and both markS.
mans.
misses those days when we had choir prac and joke ard.
alot.
both markS are stil so funny.
nvr fail to make me laugh at their stupid actions and funny things they did and done.
shihui stil nvr fails to make me feel so comfortable tellin her EVERYTHING.
they are really ppl in my life i love.
i cant afford to lose.
i love you guys.!
mit up really soon again alrite.
esp shihui.
i miss you a hell lots alrd.!
hugs.!
(:

things are getting better i guess.
i wan to lead every of my days like tis.
i onli wan to smile.
i onli wan to laugh.
everyday.
i onli wan to feel loved and not abandoned.
i jus simply love days like tis.
i could see *her little effort.
thanks alot.
really.

i cant wait to turn 18 in less than a month time.
i wan to experience night life.
i wan clubbing.
at least once.
i wan to watch M18 legally.
hahas.

alot of things happened recently.
alot alot.
and i realise alot of things thru all the little and big things i went thru.
be it alone or with significant ppl ard me.
i really must say that i grew and i learnt.
shall take tis opportunity to thank ppl like..

MUMMY. she simply just rock. without her i think i wouldnt be so strong to move on til now. i love u, mummy.
DARLINGs. the 4 of you. jia bing nette and yi. you gals really are my great buds. thanks alot all these while for worrying for me and cared for me. i hearts you all.!
JACQUELINE TEO. the only girl hu REALLY knows me inside out, been there for me all these 17+ yrs. thank God that i haf u since the day i was born. sry i made u cried for me.
NYP clique. jud jac ivy yana. you girls are the ppl i cant live without in sch. thanks for not leaving me alone instead pulling me along, holding on to me. thanks.!
DEBB. thanks for your cold jokes. i wil nvr forget how hard you tried to cheer me up.
JINFENG n PAMELA. thanks wefiy n baobei. promise you gals i wil move on well. hugs.
RACHEL n MEIPING. im glad i stil gt u, rachel. let bygone be bygone, we wil always be frens. afterall, i knew you since i was like 4.? (: Meiping.! thanks alot too. best fren always hurr.
LEROY. im really glad knowing you. i wil NVR forget all those swt little things u had done for me. hay, dun u dare to forget bout things u promised me. whr's my porridge. (: Hugs.

alot alot more of you.

sry if i din mention ur name.

but wad u guys had done for me i wil nvr forget.

thanks people.

thanks *dearest.

2006-07-10T15:45:00.000-07:00

She walked in and said she didn't wanna know
Anymore
Before i could ask why she was gone out the door
I didn't know, what i did wrong
But now i just can't move on
Since she left me
She told me
Don't worry
You'll be ok you don't need me
Believe me you'll be fine
Then i knew what she meant
And it's not what she said
Now i can't believe that she's gone

im still holding on.
to the love i still choose to believe in.
thou the hurts are getting unbearable but i think its all worthwhile.
becoz i wil learn and grow up more.
and the reason is becoz,
i love *her.
too much.

hu can see my heart.?
hu can feel the pain.?
hu can tell *her how much i love *her.?

[ping] thanks gal for listening to my cries tt nite. hahas. hugs.!

[leroy] okies. i promise. hey.! date me soon.! hahas. shall mug tgt.! misses.

2006-07-06T22:47:00.000-07:00

firstly,
im sorry.
to those hu cared for me.
to those hu truly loves me.
to *her.
i brk my promise tt i wun cut myself.
i cudnt tk it last nite and i was jus so out of mind and i cut myself.
im sorry.
i dun mean it.
i noe the pain.
truly.

last nite i choose to end everything wif *her.
i felt tt i cudnt find bck the clossness.
i felt tt things wun be the same anymore.
i fear tt i wil demand more and more.
i fear tt i wil start to control more and more.
i doesnt want *her to be unhappy to be with me.
*her sigh ytd when i insisted to see *her ytd makes me even more hurt.
seeing me is it that bad.?
i dunno.

alrite.
it was my fault tt i actually find excuses to see *her agn after *she sent me to the door.
but i jus doesnt wan to kip everything to myself anymore.
i jus cudnt tk it anymore.
be it *she can accept not,
im jus like tis.
this is me.
so we actually sat outside awhile and i said everything.
i cried.
its really frm my heart.
it took me so much courage to say i wan to end.
everyone noe my love for *her was so much.
that im really willing to do anything for *her.
but i decided for the sake of *her happiness,
i willing to do anything for *her even if i haf to suffer and let *her go.
i said so much last nite but *she jus kept quiet n said tt i choose the wrong time to say things.
after awhile of silence,
*she stand up and walk away n return home.
leaving me alone.
nt even a hug.
my heart jus stop beating.
i was so dishearted.
i cried my way home.
walkin the path we used to walk.
i sat the park at the place whr we started off.
i cried my whole heart out.
that i cudnt see wad's in front of me.
im jus so blind by tears.
the pain in my heart are jus so unbearable.
im jus all alone.
i cudnt tk it,
i cut myself.
im foolish,
i noe.
but i dun care of anything else.
i jus wish to stop feeling.
*she msged me the first one scoldin me.
second askin whr am i.
third tellin me tt *she is hurt and still loves me alot.
i ignored all the way til i reach home.
i dunno wad to do.
i took so much courage to say i wan to leave *her.
but *her msg moves my heart.
but i really doesnt wan to be hurt agn anymore.
i jus wan to be loved.
liked i used to.

today,
*she msged me telling me tt we are still tgt.
*she is goin to try the best to be my girlfriend.
*she is willing to try *her best to mit my demand.
im moved.
i so much wanted to tell *her that,

" yes,
im willing to be with you agn.
i wan to move on with you ard.
yes,
i love you alot.! "

but am i suppose to.?
i dunno.
i really love *her and i really wants *her.
but is it good for *her and me.?
hu can give me a gd ans.?
perhaps no one except me myself.

no matter wad decission i made,
*you are the only one i love tis much.
always.

[debb] thnx for sayin those cold jokes. im sorry. i was really in bad mood so i was so quiet. act im bery noisy but mus see mood. i promise the nxt time we met up, i wil noisy til u scold me shut up. laughs. hugs.

[bing] love you darling. hahas.

[rachel] =D thanks for your concern. sry to make u worry. misses.

2006-07-05T12:40:00.000-07:00

i swear.
yes,
its really hard to stop loving.
really fcuking hard to stop loving.
*her.

i demand for an eternal sleep.
that perhaps only wakes up when everything is over.
i cudnt rem any single thing.

im dishearted.
im hurting.
myself.

but i still love *her.

[debb] thanx thanx. i love it too. but i cudnt style it really properly. laughs. its alrite. we gt alot of chances to tok de. misses.!

2006-07-05T00:56:00.000-07:00

not a bad day afterall.
except that mr stephen loke make me mad today.
injured my right hand.
get scolded by a couple of bitch and bastard n i showed attitude.
but hu cares right.
whatever.

dia came find me at ps.
hees.
had great time after tt.
now i found someone i really can tok to and perhaps she wil lead me out of tis world.
laughs.
and i oso found someone can entertain me when i really nid someone.
yeah.
so nice rite.?
hey,
when u bored,
u shud noe wad to do.
if im freee,
i DEFINITELY will acc u.
hahas.
loves.

yupp,
i met a nice gal,
a great fren.
if im a bung i wud had fall for her.
laughs.!
thnx dia,
for these days.

met *her with dia after wrk.
pass *her a superman pillow and bubble tea.
nt a bad miting afterall.
but,
actually im fearing.
im fearing tt if i wud to tk *her seriously like how i used to,
im afraid i wud start controllin *her,
expecting more things frm *her.
so,
i decided that maybe we shall stay this way.
i wun deny that my love for *her will be as strong as before.
i wun deny i wud actually love to see *her almost everyday.
but all these feelings,
im gonna hide them all.
i wan to last.
as long as possible.
with happy memories.
and the only way to do it is not to let me world evolve only ard *her.
but jus wish *she will somehow think of me.
miss me a little more.
i will be happy.

*dearie,
i wun ask for more than just *your love for me to stay be as strong as it was.
hearts.

[sinyi dar] hey darling.! hows exams.? after exams mit up and i will update u alrite.? hugs. misses.!

[wefiy] thanks wefiy.! yupp, im a little happy. just that little. there are more other feelings behind these happiness. hopefully i cud get over it soon. i miss you.! when are we miting.?!

2006-07-03T23:58:00.000-07:00

thanks to *you.
for everything.
for the feelings *you had since our brk up.
for the telling me how *you actually feel.
for the hugs.
for the kisses.
everything.

met *her jus nw.
was suppose to like pass *her bubble tea and acc *her for a fag den leave.
but end up *she asked for an acc to buy dinner.
so we spent a little more time tgt.
was swt.
was happy moments.
*she held my hand agn.
i felt loved.
today was just like any normal day we had before our brk up.
i feel happy.
but im despaired too.
becoz i doesnt want to face the reality.
alot of things *she said tt happen in the past before we really went tgt makes me weaker.
smhow.
so much wanted that time will bck to then.

before i left,
the hug was tite.
i feel the warmth.
the love.
i cant endure and so i asked.
*she noe wad i wanted to ask.
about is *she still loving me.
*she said yes,
i love you.
my heart melts.
it stop beating.
i cried.
*she says we are still tgt.
mans.
im happy.
like a little girl.
all i can say to *her was,
thanks and i love *you too.
but i stil nid smtime to overcome alot of things.
but my love for *you wil nvr be lessen.

i saw *you wearing tt ring belongs to ebong at first.
but *you took it out when *you met me.
i dunno wad's the reason behind it but i assume its mean to be good.
i mentioned bout the ring but *you deny.
agn,
i assume the reason for the denial is for the sake of me.
hmmm,
been selfish,
can i request *you nt to wear.?
smile.

okays.
im off to slp.
dun wish to think of anything else anymore.

*you are the only one.

2006-07-03T00:50:00.000-07:00

had my new hair style today.
manage to have the hair style i wan.
to either spike to look boyish or the put hairband to look famine.
nt bad.
i like it.

things are going on well i guess.
maybe tis is a better way for *you and me.
but i wun deny tt my hart is still missing *you.
loving *you.
it wil stay as strong as it was till i met another *you.
somehow *you arent tt cruel to the extend of ignorin me.
thanks.
still kip me updated to *you daily life routine.
*you let me smhow felt that at least im not forgotten by *you.
*you are at least thinkin of me.
becoz i heard someone teling me before that if someone were to msg u,
it means tt he or she is thinking of you.
so,
yup.
today,
as usual,
*you told me *your routine.
i still feel belonged to *you.
we met up.
it was great except that *you and ling cudnt recorgnise me.
laughs.
i knew that *you were actually lookin at my finger,
looking for OUR ring,
think *you are kinda disappointed when *you found out tt im not wearing anymore.
but im sure *you were suprised that actually i wore it on my neck.
closer to heart thou hurr.
i was happy to see *you wearing OUR ring still.
on the 4th finger.
on the finger *you said that belongs to OUR ring.
but somehow disappointed when i saw *you actually oso wearing the ring of ebong's name too.
but i din blame u and i gt no right too.
BUT,
*you made me smile a little when later part,
i saw *you tkin out tt ring and *you are only wearin the one belong to us.
thanks.
im glad.
before i left,
the hug,
the kiss,
thanks.
i really jus still feel attached to *you.
what about *you.?
how do *you feel.?
when i turn away from *you,
i tear-ed.
with happiness and sadness.
im happy that we are stil close,
in contact,
im sad that we actually had broke up,
without status.
the love,
i can still feel it.
the strong feeling of belonging,
i jus dun wish to lose *you completely.

when will be the next time i cud see *you.?
when will be the next time *you wud hug me.?
when will be the next time *you wud kiss me goodbye.?
when will be the next time i cud sit beside *you when *you fag.?
when will be the next time *you tell me all the things that happen the past few days.?
when will be the next time *you will tell me,
i love you.?
when wil it be.?
i gt no idea.
but im holding on to this little faith,
that the day is not far away from now.
from todae.

*baby,
thanks for everything.
i still love *you.
perhaps i showed myself that i dun really care but i do.
in my heart.

[wefiy] thanx wefiy. sry to let you worry. will tell you the whole thing soon. im feeling better now i suppose. smile. hugs. u are badly missed too.

[bingbing] thns darling. you are really one of the bestes best fren i ever haf. LOVEs.

[yana] thnx dearie. haf fun during attachment ya.? see ya soon. misses.

2006-07-01T15:48:00.000-07:00

im fearing.
the darkness in my life.
tears blindfolded me.
i cud see no road.
*you break the road in front of me.
*you took away the happiness i believed in.
*you took away the love i trust in.
is all my fault.
my bloody fuckin fault.
knew that *you wudnt like to be tied up,
but yet,
been an idiot,
thinkin only for myself,
i tied *you.
i used both hands to send *you away.
but does tt means tt i dun haf a sec chance.?
i dunno how to sae.
but for wad i alrd decided was tt,
i swear wad i will do if i got *you bck,
i will DEFINITELY do it.
if i failed to,
hate me even too.
smtime i may forget wad i promise but deep in my heart,
i noe wad is right and wrong.
let me prove to *you the another side of me.
the side that *you nvr seen before.
the great determination in within me.
the love is still strong.
im still missing *you.
i couldnt stop thinking of *you whenever i come across smth tt gt to do with u.
i held back my tears.
tellin myself i gotta be strong.
but smhow i cudnt without *you.
the feelin inside me i cudnt find wrds to describe.
but jus wishing that these days are u leading days *you wanted tt i cudnt gif.
im sorry.
im a failure as a gd gf.
tk it as a REALLy time out period and see if things cud work out smhow.
can we.?
i dun wish to end tis hard-comin rs like tis.
thou what i went thru were too much but i stil smhow feel tt its all worth it.
dunno y.
im jus so silly.

faith.
determination.
fate.
trust.
love.
they will show me all.

iLOVE*you still.

2006-06-30T12:34:00.000-07:00

im despair.
im dishearted.
ive lost someone i loved.
and that *you.
i nvr wan to accept the fact.
i nvr wan to give up.
but i think i got to.
there is this strong will and belief tt we can make it thru 1 LAST time.
i hope we cud.

ytd was a total dwn day.
the day i always wan to avoid.
i admit i was been an irritating gf tis wk.
i apologise.
but i swear i hate myself for been like tis too.
hate myself the most ytd.
knowing things will turn back if i kip pesterin and like gg after *you
but im tt idiot to make things really bad.
okays.
nw i regret.
but do i haf a chance agn.?
i really dun wish to live days without *her.
i noe i can make it thru but im jus nt tt strong enough.
really.
the memories are jus so much.
*she means really much to me.
i dunno how to say anymore.
but one last thing,

*baby,
i wish we cud gif each other 1 LAST chance to mk things right.
i gt this strong will.
this really strong feeling for *you.
9 months.
its really long and too much to let go jus like tis.
things we dun like we can put in effort to change and amend.
ilove*you.
yes i do.
till this bery moment.
i can still cross my heart and say,
ilove*you.!

can *you see my heart.?
my feelings.?
my soul.?

i wish to see *you today.

praying.
sincerely.
hard.

mummy, im sorry. i love you. thanks for ur forgiveness. loves.!

2006-06-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

im so bored.
im so lonely.
*gf din reply.
din msg me at all.
noe nth bout *her situation at msia the whole morn.
nw *she's in spore le.
i dunno.
i felt so out of no where.
i felt deserted.
i felt no love.
i felt really LONELY.
no one cared.
no one bothered.
wad did i did wrong.?
y do i haf to experience tis agn after 3 yrs.?

sigh.
i love *her too much to let go.
*she means too much to me to lose *her.
im used to *her.
but im struggling inside.
im drowning in my sea of tears.
good things really dun last.
promises are really meant to be broken.
swt talkings are only smth to mk someone feel love.
at tt moment only.
if i can choose.
i wished i dun haf all those rite in the beginning so i wun be hurt at all.

tt nite,
tt brk up.
i promise i wun love *you more.
i stil rem.
im stil refraining.
i noe im nt loving *you more.
im jus loving *you as much as i do b4 tt nite.
*you said we are startin all over agn.
does tt means tt *you are suppose to treat me better.?
love me more.?
care for me more.?
but y are things like tis now.?
the only communication we haf (sms)*you are oso lessening them.
*you onli sae we shall meet lesser,
talk on fone lesser.
but *you din sae bout our msges.
im so afraid.
*you nvr noe how actually ur msges means to me.
its smth tt telling me im think by *you.
i still got sm1 to tok to.
i stil gt sm1 to turn to.
now,
even its a askin qns kind of msg,
*you cud be cruel and nt reply me.
*you loved me.
but why are *you so cruel.?
not thinking bout how i feel.
not thinkin of how i wil be worried.
DEAR.!!!!!!
what have *you become.?
i needed *you now so badly.
but whr are *you.?
i noe NOTHING bout ur whereabout at all.
*you nvr reply my msges.
can *you tell me what is the reason behind all these.?
*you say yes,
*you wil msg me.
but..
when.?

i cant tk it anymore.
let me brk dwn today.
im cryin.
in no one's arm.
im all alone.
in this 4 walled room.
and im thiinkin of only one person.
yes.
thats *YOU.

let me have my eternal slp.
tk me to a place i see no tears.
feel no pain.
feel no loneliness.
pls,
lord..

2006-06-29T01:34:00.000-07:00

dunno y i feel the tiredness inside me but i jus couldnt get to slp.
im hurting.
somehow.
by wad happen later part of the day.

went to csc jus nw to gif *gf a suprise.
i noe *she wud be busy so i din call b4 gg over.
was meant to be a suprise u see.
so ya.
i reach there like ard 610.
waited til bout 630.
no sight of *her.
no reply.
so i called.
and noe wad.?
-like wad i thot it wil be-
*she told me *she is alrd at tamp.
okies.
i wasnt angry at tt moment but jus kinda disspointed tt my plan was ruined.
nxt,
the angry-est and hurting thing is when *she actually noe im at cac waiting.
*she scolded me.!
i was like.
speechless.
*she says she wasnt in gd mood.
but does tt gif *her a reason to scold me for jus went to cac and gif *her suprise.
i was fcuking hurt.
really.
and im pissed too.

i really dun understand why *she is not in gd mood *she cud actually scold me for things like tis.
am i in the wrong.?
tryin to make *her happy aft a lond tired day.
tryin to let *her feel blessed by hafin her gf fetching *her frm wrk.
i dunno.
after tat,
met *her at hougang mall.
went over to *her place in the end.
we din really tok.
i can feel tt if i talk i wil cry.
and i alrd tell myself tt im not gg to let *her see my tears anymore.
i wan to be the happy cynthia in front of *her.
a gal with no sadness.
a gal with no trouble.
the gal *she had fallen for 9 mths ago.
im willing to hide all my feelings inside jus for the sake of our rs and for *her.
but please,
tell me all these im doin are rite.

before i left,
we tok bout it.
im sorry,
i cudnt help it anymore.
the tears jus dun stay.
i hugged *her and tell *her tt i dun like been scolded jus becoz of *her mood.
im *her G I R L F R I E N D.!!
yes,
i AM.!!
sigh.

there are so much mixed feelings in within nw.
i love *her.
yes i do.
ive showed.
everything.
but what about *her.?
the scoldings i got let me feel tt im no longer tt impt gal in *her heart.
maybe im just thinkin too much.
but will a girlfriend scold *her own girlfriend when *she is not in the mood.?
will *she.?

)':

dun say*you want to leave me for hurting me.
this is not what i want.
all i want is *you mkin things better.
put in the effort.
just like how i did.
and im sure we can last.
with both *your and my effort.
we can see a longer path for us ahead.
shall we.?
loves.

[bingbing] well, perhaps im not really tt strong. moreover, im really weak by nature. smtime i really nid to be showing strong becoz i dun wan her to worry. dun wan anyone to worry. im stil learning to be stronger and stronger. but promise u wil gif my hugs wil i cnt tk it kays.? (: eh, i think jinn use photoshop to do the pic and effects and all. but i dun haf tt software. still lkin for it.hees. misses.

2006-06-28T22:49:00.000-07:00

wanted to slp til1030 den wake up de but i cudnt get to slp.
boo.
time spent with *her last nite wasnt too bad.
but wasnt too good too.
din really communicate.
after dinner *she used lappy den i jus look at wad *she doing.
hardly gt time tgt.
but nvm.
went over to queen's place with *her to pass queen smth.
we cycled there.
the journey there,
we quarrel.
or rather *she shouted at me.
this time round,
i din cry for tis.
i jus ignored *her.
many things appears in my mind when im alone cycling up the slope.
i was hurt more and anything.
*she seems to be losing patience.
in me.
but in the end *she apologised.
well,
i forgived.

i dunno if one day *she wud read my blog.
but there are really certain things i realli dunno how to tell *her.
the demand in how she haf to treat me like a GIRLFRIEND.
like how *she treats me long ago.
months ago.
im sorry.
im thinking.
i REALLY darn wish tat our rs will be much much better than this.
the feeling of closeness.
the feeling of been loved and cared by *her.
someone,
anyone,
please teach me how to make it all better.
can *she see the effort i put in to make things all better.?
will *she appreciate it.?
maybe *she did but dunno how to show.?
maybe.

*baby,
i needed you.
just like how you needed me months ago.
right at the start.
dun say you want to leave me so i wun be sad anymore.
bcoz the truth is i wil even be more depressed.

[bing bing] yupp perhaps im stronger but at times i jus cant deny the insecure in within. the longing of seein her and talkin to her. will tell u more when i mit u alrite.? hugs. as for ur blog, i dunno how to do. laughs. ask jinn for advice. hahs.

[jess] hahahs. wanted to make the url easier for ppl to rem. in the beginning actually wanted to make tis a private blog so made it longer but now is a public one so ya. hahas. tag tag.! gd luck hurr.. (:

2006-06-27T13:31:00.000-07:00

was suppose to haf lesson at 1pm but i realise tis wk there isnt tis module.
so lesson gonna start at 3 and end at 4pm.
boo.
one hr travelling,
one hr of lesson.
bo liao.

forced myself to slp all the way till 12pm.
jus dun feel like wakin up but im nt gd in slpin so many hrs.
hahas.
last nite jia dar came over to find me.
pei her tok alot of things.
tell her wad i learnt frm the rs i gt wif *gf.
well,
say is always so much easier than doing.
but there are certain things ive made up my mind.
i noe i wil be the one suffering but i gotta to do it.
for the sake of tis rs.
for the sake of *her.
i dunno how long i wil hold on like tis.
but i wil do my best.
be my best.

last nite before slping,
i read thru *her past msges.
tears rolled dwn.
the memories,
so sweet,
so much.
and i realised it had been smtime since *she says *she misses me.
i wish one day *she wil msg me and says *she miesses me and want to see me.
telling me *she cant wait to see me.
all these,
i missed.
what's the difference now?
we used to mit everyday but yet *she still misses me.
but now we dun mit everyday,
but is *she missing me like i do.?
i hate the change of role between us.
i hate the misses i haf when *she dun.

ytd was our 9th monthsary.
i dun blame *her for not tkin it as a special day anymore.
but i blame myself for not letting *her feel it is a special day.
we nvr failed to mit each other on tis date,
but ytd,
we failed.
the feeling of so near yet so far is strong.
ive thinking of her a little more ytd.
but is *she.?
now i wish time cud stop rite now.
stop at our 9th month.
i dun wan our 1 yr to come.
becoz last time we used to haf tis "contract" thingy.
im so afraid tt my 1 yr contract due,
and its time to put a full stop to tis rs.
i DUN WANT.!
i msged *her tellin tis last nite,
but i bet *she fell aslp or ignored.
well,
i just wan to hear smth assuring me.
but its okies.
no blame.
dunno if we are mitin later.
its gonna be a last min arrangement agn.
*she no longer lookin forward to cum over my place.
tue used to be a confirm day we wil mit.
but..
nvm.
i noe we gt our reasons.

sigh.

our 9th mth came so hard.
im cherishing it alot.
is *she.?

iHEARTS*you.

2006-06-26T21:06:00.000-07:00

how to trust the one u love with all ur heart.?
i dunno how to trust *gf like how *she trust me.
i dunno how to put in wrds the insecure-ness within me.
ytd i was affected by *her when *she like kinda kip it a secret of mitin dia on national day.
i dunno why *she wud wan to kip it a secret but i dun like it.
i love honesty.
hiding smth is to mk sm1 think even more.
so i love to noe the truth be it gd or bad.

i know mitin dia is onli like to rem the date they knew each other.
and there is nth i shud jealous bout when dia is even attached to a guy.
but i dunno y.
maybe i dun haf tt BIG heart to not even feel nth when i heard *gf might be mitin her.
im at fault in tis.
i knew it.
but im just like tis.
BUT i wun forbid *her to mit dia.
moreover,
i noe dia in person too.
so maybe im jus too petty le.
*gf sae will bring me along too.
so.
anyway,
its stil long away.
we'll see bout it when the date is nearer.

*gf oso sae goin to celebrate ebong birthday with her too.
same feeling.
its just a naturally feelin i guess.
am i right.?
somemroe leo gals are those possesive and sensative.
jus a matter of the level of possesiveness and sensativeness.
ya,
i oso might be celebrating tgt too.
well,
i dun mind makin more frens hurr.
and i think ebong wasnt a bad gal but hope she wil be my fren too.
perhaps she can help mi alot in anyways in the future.
(:

so..
teach me how to trust someone so much.
i wan to trust *her like how she did for me.
but im jus afraid tt one day all my trust wil be betrayed.
once bitten twice shy.
the hurt frm it was really utterly urghs.

seriously,
im stil tryin to change.
as in to be someone more insensative and EVEN more nonchalent.
its kinda hard thou.
i REALLY wish we cud last.
long.
sigh.
i dunno.
im thinkin kinda abit more now.
n i hate it.
seriously hate it.
wanted to see *her so much but i cant.
sigh.
wonder when will i see her agn.
misses.!

HAPPY 9th MONTHSARY.

yupp.. its jinn did for me tt's y is kinda her style. hahas. i still dunno how to make my won template. it seems so hard. and oh ya, i wanted to borrow the photoshop thingy frm u.may i? haha. tkcare.!

2006-06-23T23:50:00.000-07:00

hey ppl.
im bck.
hahas.
realised i havent been posting for 95298032123187 yrs.
laughs.
was too tired after wrk and too lazy to wake up early the nxt dae to post.
but todae was exceptional.
cudnt get to slp bck so i decided to visit my blog awhile.
and importantly im goin to tell wad a BAD day i haf ytd.
boo.

i was schedule to do RC ytd.
cool.
when i reach.
there's no nuts left so i gt to pack like 60 cups of them.
wow.
prepared corns.
act smart,
thinkin that prepare 4 packets den later no nid to kip top up.
yupp.
so end up i prepared FOUR packets of them.
realised its damn heavy plus the water i nid to prepare at the sec layer of the steamer.
its crazy tt i can carry.
but no choice.
no once to help so.
i did.
but i sprained my wrist.
best.
was damn pissed off after tt.
asked for help but there is crowd and all so.
i solo show.
bring everything over to rc.
lucky jia was there.
sm1 to help mi look after.
den guangyi oso helped.
thanks!
cudnt tk it,
went toilet and called *gf and i cried.
boo.
b4 i cud start,
the cash register spoil.
stephen came to repair.
at first stil cant but when he was tokin to me tt time,
suddenly its bck to normal.
tt point of time we alrd close 1 of the shuttle le la.
wasted.
when everything done,
i start my sales.
in between i drop 3 cups of nuts.
fine.
den i stirred my cheese.
i dunno y,
the glass thingy on the cover came off jus like tt.
wihtout me doin anything other than holdin the handle.
lucky it din brk.
woo.
the best thing happen.
STEAMER NOT WORKING,
wrkin at RC is the sell sweet corn.
but after setting up for like bout 2 hrs,
i stil can see little pieces of ice in between my corns.!
so,
there goes my rc.
i gotta shut it.
kinda happy thinkin tt i can go home.
becoz i felt its realli a bad day.
but when im bck at candy bar,
stepehn ask mi to tk over nadia shift all the way till closing.
meaning i haf to wrk like 10 hrs.
but end up, i onli wrk 9 hrs.
haha.
wasnt in gd mood.
so i jus do wad ppl ask me to do.
at the end,
i down $8.50.
fcuk.
so,
u ppl think am i really unlucky ytd.
shugs.

met *gf last nite and the nite b4.
was great.
things are like better.
and i dun dare to ask for more.
im learning to trust.
to haf faith.
i hope *she wun disappoint me in anyway.
ytd saw tis red mark on *her neck.
is it a love bite.?
from other girl.?
laughs.

sry gals.. in rush, return tag nxt time. hees.! loves.

2006-06-15T12:26:00.000-07:00

it had been somtime since i last post.
well,
alot of things happen actually.
just within a min,
things can change and dun say a day.
rem wed i jus posted,
in the afternoon.
at nite we torn apart.
actually things were okies but becoz of a small thing,
we quarrel.
real bad one.
real hurting one.
things are really bad at tt nite and the days followed.
i cried.
hardly.
badly.
and i thot i wil get into depression.
all my gals were standing nxt to me.
holding on to me titely.
thanks gals.
loves.

on sat,
things were gd i suppose.
but sun,
the feelin when im with *her was realli bad.
as in.
weird.
so before i went home,
i decided to have a gd tok out with *her.
im prepared for the worst alrd.
like i expected,
things falls apart.
we ended.
i thot im strong enuff nt to cry.
not to brkdwn.
but i cant.
i noe im nt strong at all.
the walk back to granny's place was long.
*she followed behind me.
i cried even harder.
the moment i saw *her tears,
my hrt hurts even bad-der.
i nvr thot i wud be bck to her agn anymore.
but well,
we were.
at the end of the whole thing.
*she agreed to start all over agn.
i went bck to *her.

all the way till now since sun.
things are kinda fine.
can see tt *she is kinda compromising with me now.
send me to the bus stop,
do things i think it wil mke me better.
actually,
this is all i wanted frm *her.
ive been giving in everytime by saying "its ok"
but deep in my hrt,
i wanted to scream "its NOT ok"
nw,
i gonna be bck myelf.
im stil goin to give in but i gotta take it too.

*baby,
forgive me if im gonna be stubborn at times.
forgive me im gg to be unreasonable sometime.
im just tryin to protect myself.
but tis wun refrain me frm loving you.
i just want to know the love i want.
the love i long lost months ago.
the one i gt from you right at the start.
since 260905.
i just want it all back.
to me.
only me.
hearts.

[bing bing] thanks darling for been there for me thruout the darkest time of mine. love you lots.! muackies. cya later.! (:

[jia] u ask me not to sad, you oso dun sad wor. no matter what you stil got me with you. jus like how i gt you with me too. you haf really nvr failed to be there man. LOVES.!

[rachel] hey gal.! thanks.! i wil try my best to be happy. (: i hope she wil jus treasure after all these. hope she noe we came thru alot to be jus tgt. (: tk care.! u r always my fren and i'll be there to listen to ur prob if u nid. smiles!

[ping] haha. jus saw you the day before hurr.. im standing up now. i hope i wun fall agn. i dun wan to be hurt agn. i gt faith in everything. (: tk care alrite?

[debb] awww.. im gonna be ur forever love?! hahas. swt. hw's hols? cum ps visit us.! hahas. tk care.! i love you too (:

[sinyi dar] mans. finally tt day the 5 of us managed to gather tgt hurr. such a nice moment. i jus miss sec sch life. sigh. hugs. mit up soon.! HUGGS.!

2006-06-07T15:46:00.000-07:00

im back home and i got nothing to do.
so make use of this time to blog.
im feeling down now.
no one to turn to.
so i choose to hide myself at home.

i dunno why.
and i dunno how.
to stop makin myself been so sensative.
its me.
its really me.
its just MINE character to be sensative.
is it a wrong.?
its jus torturing me.
okays.
i noe im stupid to always compare the present frm the past.
but somehow i jus feel that,
things shoudlnt change so much.
todae after prac ica,
i was wishing tt *gf wil like in the past,
asking me how was it and all.
i refrain myself frm msgin *her becoz i dun wish to disturb *her frm wrk.
i waited and waited.
so end up i called.
*she did went for brk but jus din reply me.
does tis shows that *she dun care.?
im hurt by it.
i noe i might be unreasonable.
but sorry,
i cant help it.
i try tokin nicely and all,
but maybe becos *she is really too busy,
that;s why *she sound bad agn.
i told *her we maybe nt miting tonite,
and all *her reply was jus,
" up to you."
hey,
im hurt by tis.
thou *she might nt imply any other meaning but ya,
i thot *she will at least ask a why.
never mind.
just take it im petty.
i dunno.
i just simply HATE it when *she treat me gd at tis moment and hurt me badly the nxt.
and i HATE myself for not been nonchalent at times.

*baby,
smtime i jus dunno how to be nonchalent.
smtime i jus nid to be pampered and coax.
smtime i jus nid *you to be a little swt to me and let me feel like im the queen.
smtime i jus nid *you to be alittle kiddy and sa jiao with me.
smtime i jus nid some care and concern from *you.
smtime i jus wan what *you promise me wil come true.
smtime i jus wan to hear *you when i think i nid it.
smtime i nid *your reply to make me happy a little.
smtime i jus wan to hear "i miss you" from *you.
smtime i jus nid *you to gif in to me a little more.
smtime i jus wan *you to zong rong wo a little more.
smtime and smtime.
althou something is i always wish wil happen everytime but i noe it wil only make things bad.
im thinkin.
im compromising.
with all my might and heart.
and i just want things to be best and smooth.
please,
tell me what i did is right.
i want to show others that *you are nt taking me granted now.

my tears jus sometime wun show how much im hurt on the outside becoz its my heart that is hurting.

[debb] okies. soon it wil becum forever love. hahas. den wad bout mine in ur blog? hurrhurr..hees. misses.

[bing] she is sinyi lehs. wad u expect.?hahas. cya later for bball. i miss my bball.! later must play oso hurr.hees.!

[sinyi] finally see ur tag. wahahas. nt bad la. at least now u noe how to use den nxt time wun be so mountain tortise le. hahas. oh ya, are u gg bbq tmr.? i miss you. (:

2006-06-06T10:47:00.000-07:00

last nite was too tired to post.
dunno why.
i alrd fulfilled my 8 hrs of slp but i stil feel tired bery easily.
dunno issit becoz of my medication.
hahas.

went to cac and wanted to fetch *gf but end up she gt to ot til bery late so i din.
was kinda disappointed and abit of angry.
but i noe i cant blame *her becoz is i choose to go there and wait de.
den coy msged me say she goin to hougang oso den ask whether i wanna ride bck.
before i agree her,
i did ask *gf.
i dun wan *her later angry or wad.
im glad.
i got a bery understanding gf.
somehow i can feel like *she not bery happy but *she insist tt *she isnt.
bleahs.
dear,
smtime i wish u wil feel sour inside when im with other bung.
hahahs.
but overall,
i knew *she trust me and all.
thanks.
nvr been trusted by sm1 like tis b4.

today going sch to pia for bio prac which is tmr.
and i noe it wil be a hard day becoz *she cant msg much le.
*her prepaid card not much value.
sad.
hope *she will miss me a little more.
hope i will receive suprise call from *her.
and oso somehow hope i will see *her later part of the nite.
hahas.

okays.
i gt nth much to sae.
or rather there is but i lazy to type.
now all i want to say is..

i miss to bits, *baby .!

[ wefiy] hellos.! how are you.?! miss you mans. when was the last time i met you hurr hurr.?hahas. tk care alrights? love you.!

[debb] done. linked. hees.! all the best to ur papers.! cya ard soon.! HUGGS.

2006-06-05T01:36:00.000-07:00

im a happy little girl now.
im smiling all the way since *gf left my house.
*she brought lots of fun during the stay over last nite.
hahas.
i study and *she use my lappy.
and found lots of hp themes and all.
im really glad that things between us now is much more better.
and i want it to stay this way always kays ?
can see that *she is compromising with me too.
we are meeting tmr.
and oso wed.
wowow...
im a little high now.

well,
meanwhile,
despite all those high-ness,
im oso mugging.
im swaetin like mad.
the weather is really hot and humind.
boo.
too bad,
my kitchen gt no air con and this is the onli part of my hse tt gt wireless netwrk.
boo.
okies.
i think i goin bck to my rm and mug.
without com.
shall do the rest of the quizes tmr.
gd nite everyone.!

i love *YOU.!

[ bing bing ] haha, just suddenly think tt tis blog is nicely done and all and there is nth to hide frm anyone so i decided i shall let u guys link me. but i think i wil ad password so ya..hahas.tk care! miss you!

[ debbie ] hey dear.! suprised to see u here. hees! drop by more often kays? hahas! u can link me and i wil link u too. but wad is ur URL ? hahas. LOVES.

2006-06-03T13:17:00.000-07:00

wanted to post last nite.
but dunno what happen ,
i think is the server down or wad so eva,
i cant even open my blog page.
hahas.
cant imagine i slpt till 12 plus gg 1 today.
i kip diahrrea last nite la,
den mummy dunno gif me eat wad med n i end up slpin like a log.
nt a bad one thou.
ive been missing the time i slp for long hours and nt thinkin of anything.

was suppose to mit *gf at cac den maybe go tao payao wif *her but *she din call me and when i wake up *she alrd waiting for bus to tamp.
duh.
nvm,
shall see *her later of the day ba.
so meanwhile i wil have to pia my bio.
boo.
oh ya,
praying hard tt *gf wil stay over tonight.
den *she can play my lappy and i wil study for bio thru the nite.
hees.
sound fun hurr.
pray pray.
but one thing i wun expect too much becoz i dun wan to be disappointed too much if *she din stay.
sigh.

hope everything between us now is better.
been nonchalent is really great.
i shall cont be tt way.
and maybe tt is the best way for me n *her.

yeah..
tis cumin thurs gt gv bbq nite agn.!
i wan to go.
but provided my ica are ready by wed so thurs we no nid to stay after sch which is alrd 6 to discuss.
if we haf to,
den i cant mk it to the bbq le.
boo.
lots of gatherin comin up.
and im really lookin forward to it.!

*baby, see you tonight. (:

2006-06-01T19:16:00.000-07:00

on mc again.
tis the dunno how many times i gt mc so far le.
my body is getting weaker and weaker.
somtime its ok but sometime it jus want to haf a brk and im to suffer.
tis morn wake up as usual,
was brushing teeth den suddenly vomit and follow by a sharp pain in my stomach.
i sat on the floor huggin the toilet bowl.
den i realise its realli unbearable.
and i start cryin.
wad a shame .
boo.
den followed by diahrrea.
yupp.
all i ate the past few days seems to be out alrd.
went to tk mc and doctor insist i shud go for a scope.
which i really seriously doesnt want.
its painful can.
i told *gf and *she sae will be with me if i go for it.
*she better mean what *she says.
hahas.

now,
my stomach hurts damn badly.
huggin my xiao zhu tightly.
but i wish *she is here to hug me instead.
boo.
somehow i miss *her a little.

okies.
i cant stand it anymore.
im goin off.
tk care everyone.

i miss *you. (:

2006-05-31T13:36:00.000-07:00

okies.
now im sitting at the bck of the lt becoz i dun haf tis module.
using lappy with fear becoz anytime a lecturer will just come in and check.
and ta da,
one jus came.
haha!
but i dun gif a damn.

oh ya,
how is my new layout.?
all thanks to wefiy.!
she is damn gd at tis.
haha !
thns thns !

hmmm..
nt feelin bery happy somehow.
feelin insecure and all.
the misses i haf in within is too much for me to bear.
so much wanted to tell *gf how much i miss her but i cant.
i fear *she wil unhappy.
fear tt *she will think im fan.
fear fear and fear.
sometime of the day i can totally dun think of *her but smtime i really cant help it.
missing someone is so xinku esp when u cant even let them noe.
*DEAR im missing *you a hell lot.
i wish i cud see *her tonite but i noe i cant.
i promise tt i wun see *her tt often but somehow i wish i cud realli see *her as much as possible.
smtime im thinkin,
why in the past *she could like always gif in to ebong and zhong rong her but nt me.
i noe *she wil do tis is becoz *she doesnt wan to let mi xi guan.
but smtime i really hope *she wil zhong rong wo abit more.

recalling *her msg sent to me two wks ago tellin me tt i made *her really miss me so much.
tt dae i did see *her,
the dae before we oso met.
but *she misses me.
i really love *her tellin me tis.
but after tt day,
i havent heard tis kind of misses from *her le.
so many days we din mit and all but *she like nvr miss mi tt much.
somehow i really wonder how to make *her miss me tis much agn.
haha.
well,
i think is call misses.
true misses.
(:

okies.
im feelin alittle better.
becoz *she jus called.
thou din tok much.
but listenin to *her voice,
tokin to me nicely,
im alrd glad.
easily contented hurr?
ya.,
tt's me.
is the hint i always gif *her.

i need you because i love you.. (:

2006-05-30T01:29:00.000-07:00

i had alot of fun wif *gf on sat nite and whole of sun.
and oso tonite.
we had dinner and all.
i jus love the way we are now.
and i shall really stop thinkin so much as long as *she treat me like tis always.
(:

going to slp le.
alot of things happen.
dunno how to say here.
hahas.

nites.

i love my *gf.!

2006-05-25T19:48:00.000-07:00

All alone I have started my journey
To the darkness of darkness I go
With a reason,I stopped for a moment
In this world full of pleasure so frail
Town after town on I travel
Pass through faces I know and know not
Like a bird in flight,sometimes I topple
Time and time again,just farewells

All alone as the day I was born
Till your eyes rest in mine,I shall wander
No more darkness I know and know not
For your sweetness I traded my freedom
Not knowing a farewell awaits
You know,hearts can be repeatedly broken
Making room for the harrows to came
Along with my sorrows I buried
My tears,my smiles,your name
Once again with my shadows I roam