the GIRL
wants to be called as cynthia. her first cry was on the 110888. currently studying at NYP, a NURSE to be.
now she is TAKEN by HIM. and yes, finally, she is with a GUY now (:
alot alot more of you. sry if i din mention ur name. but wad u guys had done for me i wil nvr forget. thanks people. thanks *dearest.
wants to be called as cynthia. her first cry was on the 110888. currently studying at NYP, a NURSE to be.
now she is TAKEN by HIM. and yes, finally, she is with a GUY now (:
she really LOVES sleep, music, freedom, HUGS, liquor, clubbing, DARLINGS gang, all the swt time she had with *HIM, all the things *HE had done for her & obviously H.I.M !
& Berline
yes, please grant her with:
i seriously want to smoke.!
badly.
even it means i wil die after one stick.
i jus want to smoke.!
FAG.!
fucked.
9:59 PM; be my
always
having an utter bad mood now.
hu can cheer me up.?
ytd was a bad day too.
will *you care for me a little more.?
if ever there is a day that *you wun find me agn,
will *you be searching.?
i want to feel *your love.
*your care.
and i m dying for *your honesty and truthfulness.
dun let me haf a chance to think that smth is hiden frm me.
im sorry but i jus needed all them.
to you:
my heart is small and every little part of it had *her in alrd.
so dun ever doubt on my sincerity that i said i wun fall for him.
dun forget,
im not str8.
(:
am i still as important as i was before to *you.?
3:37 PM; be my
always
Sunday, July 30, 2006
okies.
this blog is almost done.
left with the section WORDS.
still thinking of nice words to write.
think think.
laughs.
ytd wrk wasnt too bad.
except tt dear JEELIN make me open counter at candy bar towards the end of my shift.
boo.
and she allows me to write her testi saying " i hate jeelin"
well,
i aint tt bad to do tt.
laughs.
i want to watch helen and the baby fox.
looks nice.
cute.
grins.
now waiting for *gf to wake up and gif me a msg.
i dunno if we were miting today.
boo.
ytd *she made me sad agn.
*she went to mit yvonne and *she din sae anything.
thot all the while *she is slpin so i din dare to msg *her in case i wakes *her up.
but well,
end up *she was out with yvonne.
i asked about it yet *she still sae dun tell me.
as in,
ya,
i dun like it when *she says " i dun wan tell you"
is like y cant tell me.?
i felt as thou there im hiden frm smth.
sry,
but i jus feel tis way.
and i kinda blame myself tt i dunno how to gif the basic trust.
sry.
as for my birthday.
no more bbq nor chalet frm her.
its alrite.
no blame.
actually,
jus a simple celebration i'll be happy.
i jus nid *her to be by my side im glad enuff le.
shud i msg *her agn.?
struggle.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAYMOND BONG
(:
12:57 PM; be my
always
Friday, July 28, 2006
found new blogskin.
and i like it alot.
sorry wefiy tt i used tis first.
(:
blog is stil under maintainence.
laughs.
*gf,
thanks for cheering me up today.
LOVEs.
(:
11:53 PM; be my
always
If you were mine
I be your your everything
and you be the only thing that I would ever need
If you were mine,
I would tell everyone that
you are the only one that I could ever want
Everything I dreamed about
Everything that I talked about
One thing I can't live without
I wanna get closer to you
Can't stand being far away
Knowing that you don't feel the same way
Questioning bring tears to your eyes
All words I sing about
All that is that I write about
Only thing I wanna hear about
So that I can get closer to you
I know that there is someone else, but he's only thinking of himself
Doesn't make any sense for you being lonely
Let me be the one to share your hopes and dream
You'll never be alone again
cuz' I will hold you in this day
Please don't be afraid to let your brokenheart guide you
Into these open arms that long to surround you
11:54 AM; be my
always
Thursday, July 27, 2006
hello.
im back after 12386238743 yrs.
laughs.
how's everyone goin on.?
(:
thing for me are slowly to fall in place nicely.
the way i wanted it to be.
and the only way to make it all better is to be ignorance and nonchalent.
but but,
there is one thing im stil kinda sad about.
laughs.
*gf,
i wan to spend more than jus few hrs with *you on my birthday.!!!
i really want.
i dread saying good bye to *you on my birthday.
i want to spend the whole nite till morning with *you.
can i.?
pray hurr.
and oh ya,
*dearest,
i also wish to see out one year coming alrite.?
(:
dun forget wad we kind of plan hurr.
laughs.
well,
talkin about my birthday,
i wanted to say a big sorry to darling jia.
laughs.
i bet she is gg to kill me.
im super sorry.
we will set it,
we celebrate on the thurs alrite.?
DARLINGs and FRENS,
we wil celebrate on thurs,
the 10th.
im super sorry.!
laughs.
but thanks alot anyway.!
(:
sch wrks are getting heavier.
but its kinda gd becoz i wil be busy and i wil stop thinkin of things.
alrite.
dun feel like typing anymore.
laughs.
tk care everyone.!
okies,
christine came and type the sentence below HERSELF.
laughs.
" i love christine very very much... "
[jess] luaghs. we go watch agn. or can watch smth else. i think the wad fox thingy one not bad. looks touching. hahas. anyway, u can mk it on thurs.? the 10th.? (:
[nette] hey wad noti hurr.? its fun i think. hahas. the threesome.! i want to watch la. laughs. tag more.! misses.!
[yi dar] tell u, im angry with you okies. im gg to ignore u if jess cud mk it u cant. humpf. but i wil still love u la. hahas.
[debb] laughs. ive updated.! misses too.! cya soon.! u are invited to the celebration too if u dun mind. (:
[bing] silly, of coz i wil find u to tok bout my probs. u can understand me too. laughs. hugs. and cya ard.! (:
11:11 AM; be my
always
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
HAPPY 10th monthsary.
will write more tmr.
(:
10:53 PM; be my
always
Monday, July 17, 2006
work today wasnt too bad.
puting aside that i gt like 2 ulcers under my tongue and it hurts everytime i tok,
tok and tok til i gt sore throat *first time*,
at the end of shift,
realise tt i down 200 bucks.
BUT lucky,
arzahril up 200 bucks.
hahas.
i seriously wan to watch basic instinct 2.!
i will try all ways to get in to watch.
hahas.
and *gf says that *she wil watch with me.
yeah.
we'll see when tt day cum hurr.
laughs.
gg bck sch for rpt module tmr.
alone.
sad.
and after tt i gotta really settle dwn to do my elective pjt.
seriously,
i hate been the leader in the grp.
it really sucks alrite.
hahas.
cant wait for tmr.
i wan to see *her.
thou i just like saw *her ytd,
but i kinda misses *her now.
esp when *she is so engross doin things on *her fone and forget bout me.!
hahas.
kidding.
alrite.
im out of things to blog.
wish tmr wil be a happy day.
off to bed.
nights.
[wefiy] yeah yeah. MEET up REALLY soon kays.? oh ya, be free on my birthday can.? hees. go out tgt. ask pam too. ive asked mel. hees.!
[jess] thot u woudnt want to cum. =X nxt family day i bring u okies. hahas. u oso, be free on my birthday.? want to see all of you gals.! wif MEL WONG too. hahas.!
10:47 PM; be my
always
Saturday, July 15, 2006
hi.
im back.
was busy wif alot of things.
tryin to make myself busy.
(:
today went to gv family day at jurong point.
watched lake house.
well,
was kinda disappointed as in like i expected it to be like fantastic.
i love its movie quote..
" how do you hold on to someone you nvr met ? "
i find its really nice.
met up leon kor and all.
nice to see them after so long.
din really catch up becoz everyone seems so dull.
and tt includes me.
dunno y im jus so slpy and restless.
hees.
so we went bck quite early in the end.
things are getting on fine i guess.
i love wad i had now.
but today perhaps wasnt a really good day.
i suddenly felt the loniless smhow.
i feel wad is missing someone is like.
but the misses are meant to be kept in my hart becoz im afraid *she doesnt like it.
i dunno.
i jus feel this way.
and i seriously hate it.
hopefully this feelin wil go away if not i wil be the one suffering.
and i doesnt want tt to happen.
im missing *you.
badly.
now.
):
11:15 PM; be my
always
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
it has been so long since we have talked
i hope that things are still the same
hoping they will never change
cuz what we had can't be replaced
don't let our memories fade away
keep me in your heart for always
you made me believe
i can do almost anything
stood right by me
through the tears through everything
I'll remember you
and baby thats forever true
you're the one that i'll always miss
never thought it would feel like this
i'll be there for you
no matter what you're goin' through
in my heart you'll always bef
orever baby i'll remember you
I promise you i won't forget
the times we shared the tears we cried
you'll always be the sun in the sky
it may be fate that brings us back
to meet again someday
even though we go separate ways
if the day should come when you need someone
you know that i'll follow
i will be there
don't ever let there be a doubt in your mind
cuz i'll remember you
forever baby i'll remember you
9:50 PM; be my
always
yesterday met up with shihui and both markS.
mans.
misses those days when we had choir prac and joke ard.
alot.
both markS are stil so funny.
nvr fail to make me laugh at their stupid actions and funny things they did and done.
shihui stil nvr fails to make me feel so comfortable tellin her EVERYTHING.
they are really ppl in my life i love.
i cant afford to lose.
i love you guys.!
mit up really soon again alrite.
esp shihui.
i miss you a hell lots alrd.!
hugs.!
(:
things are getting better i guess.
i wan to lead every of my days like tis.
i onli wan to smile.
i onli wan to laugh.
everyday.
i onli wan to feel loved and not abandoned.
i jus simply love days like tis.
i could see *her little effort.
thanks alot.
really.
i cant wait to turn 18 in less than a month time.
i wan to experience night life.
i wan clubbing.
at least once.
i wan to watch M18 legally.
hahas.
alot of things happened recently.
alot alot.
and i realise alot of things thru all the little and big things i went thru.
be it alone or with significant ppl ard me.
i really must say that i grew and i learnt.
shall take tis opportunity to thank ppl like..
8:52 PM; be my
always
Monday, July 10, 2006
She walked in and said she didn't wanna know
Anymore
Before i could ask why she was gone out the door
I didn't know, what i did wrong
But now i just can't move on
Since she left me
She told me
Don't worry
You'll be ok you don't need me
Believe me you'll be fine
Then i knew what she meant
And it's not what she said
Now i can't believe that she's gone
im still holding on.
to the love i still choose to believe in.
thou the hurts are getting unbearable but i think its all worthwhile.
becoz i wil learn and grow up more.
and the reason is becoz,
i love *her.
too much.
hu can see my heart.?
hu can feel the pain.?
hu can tell *her how much i love *her.?
[ping] thanks gal for listening to my cries tt nite. hahas. hugs.!
[leroy] okies. i promise. hey.! date me soon.! hahas. shall mug tgt.! misses.
3:45 PM; be my
always
Thursday, July 06, 2006
firstly,
im sorry.
to those hu cared for me.
to those hu truly loves me.
to *her.
i brk my promise tt i wun cut myself.
i cudnt tk it last nite and i was jus so out of mind and i cut myself.
im sorry.
i dun mean it.
i noe the pain.
truly.
last nite i choose to end everything wif *her.
i felt tt i cudnt find bck the clossness.
i felt tt things wun be the same anymore.
i fear tt i wil demand more and more.
i fear tt i wil start to control more and more.
i doesnt want *her to be unhappy to be with me.
*her sigh ytd when i insisted to see *her ytd makes me even more hurt.
seeing me is it that bad.?
i dunno.
alrite.
it was my fault tt i actually find excuses to see *her agn after *she sent me to the door.
but i jus doesnt wan to kip everything to myself anymore.
i jus cudnt tk it anymore.
be it *she can accept not,
im jus like tis.
this is me.
so we actually sat outside awhile and i said everything.
i cried.
its really frm my heart.
it took me so much courage to say i wan to end.
everyone noe my love for *her was so much.
that im really willing to do anything for *her.
but i decided for the sake of *her happiness,
i willing to do anything for *her even if i haf to suffer and let *her go.
i said so much last nite but *she jus kept quiet n said tt i choose the wrong time to say things.
after awhile of silence,
*she stand up and walk away n return home.
leaving me alone.
nt even a hug.
my heart jus stop beating.
i was so dishearted.
i cried my way home.
walkin the path we used to walk.
i sat the park at the place whr we started off.
i cried my whole heart out.
that i cudnt see wad's in front of me.
im jus so blind by tears.
the pain in my heart are jus so unbearable.
im jus all alone.
i cudnt tk it,
i cut myself.
im foolish,
i noe.
but i dun care of anything else.
i jus wish to stop feeling.
*she msged me the first one scoldin me.
second askin whr am i.
third tellin me tt *she is hurt and still loves me alot.
i ignored all the way til i reach home.
i dunno wad to do.
i took so much courage to say i wan to leave *her.
but *her msg moves my heart.
but i really doesnt wan to be hurt agn anymore.
i jus wan to be loved.
liked i used to.
today,
*she msged me telling me tt we are still tgt.
*she is goin to try the best to be my girlfriend.
*she is willing to try *her best to mit my demand.
im moved.
i so much wanted to tell *her that,
" yes,
im willing to be with you agn.
i wan to move on with you ard.
yes,
i love you alot.! "
but am i suppose to.?
i dunno.
i really love *her and i really wants *her.
but is it good for *her and me.?
hu can give me a gd ans.?
perhaps no one except me myself.
no matter wad decission i made,
*you are the only one i love tis much.
always.
[debb] thnx for sayin those cold jokes. im sorry. i was really in bad mood so i was so quiet. act im bery noisy but mus see mood. i promise the nxt time we met up, i wil noisy til u scold me shut up. laughs. hugs.
[bing] love you darling. hahas.
[rachel] =D thanks for your concern. sry to make u worry. misses.
10:47 PM; be my
always
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
i swear.
yes,
its really hard to stop loving.
really fcuking hard to stop loving.
*her.
i demand for an eternal sleep.
that perhaps only wakes up when everything is over.
i cudnt rem any single thing.
im dishearted.
im hurting.
myself.
but i still love *her.
[debb] thanx thanx. i love it too. but i cudnt style it really properly. laughs. its alrite. we gt alot of chances to tok de. misses.!
12:40 PM; be my
always
not a bad day afterall.
except that mr stephen loke make me mad today.
injured my right hand.
get scolded by a couple of bitch and bastard n i showed attitude.
but hu cares right.
whatever.
dia came find me at ps.
hees.
had great time after tt.
now i found someone i really can tok to and perhaps she wil lead me out of tis world.
laughs.
and i oso found someone can entertain me when i really nid someone.
yeah.
so nice rite.?
hey,
when u bored,
u shud noe wad to do.
if im freee,
i DEFINITELY will acc u.
hahas.
loves.
yupp,
i met a nice gal,
a great fren.
if im a bung i wud had fall for her.
laughs.!
thnx dia,
for these days.
met *her with dia after wrk.
pass *her a superman pillow and bubble tea.
nt a bad miting afterall.
but,
actually im fearing.
im fearing tt if i wud to tk *her seriously like how i used to,
im afraid i wud start controllin *her,
expecting more things frm *her.
so,
i decided that maybe we shall stay this way.
i wun deny that my love for *her will be as strong as before.
i wun deny i wud actually love to see *her almost everyday.
but all these feelings,
im gonna hide them all.
i wan to last.
as long as possible.
with happy memories.
and the only way to do it is not to let me world evolve only ard *her.
but jus wish *she will somehow think of me.
miss me a little more.
i will be happy.
*dearie,
i wun ask for more than just *your love for me to stay be as strong as it was.
hearts.
[sinyi dar] hey darling.! hows exams.? after exams mit up and i will update u alrite.? hugs. misses.!
[wefiy] thanks wefiy.! yupp, im a little happy. just that little. there are more other feelings behind these happiness. hopefully i cud get over it soon. i miss you.! when are we miting.?!
12:56 AM; be my
always
Monday, July 03, 2006
thanks to *you.
for everything.
for the feelings *you had since our brk up.
for the telling me how *you actually feel.
for the hugs.
for the kisses.
everything.
met *her jus nw.
was suppose to like pass *her bubble tea and acc *her for a fag den leave.
but end up *she asked for an acc to buy dinner.
so we spent a little more time tgt.
was swt.
was happy moments.
*she held my hand agn.
i felt loved.
today was just like any normal day we had before our brk up.
i feel happy.
but im despaired too.
becoz i doesnt want to face the reality.
alot of things *she said tt happen in the past before we really went tgt makes me weaker.
smhow.
so much wanted that time will bck to then.
before i left,
the hug was tite.
i feel the warmth.
the love.
i cant endure and so i asked.
*she noe wad i wanted to ask.
about is *she still loving me.
*she said yes,
i love you.
my heart melts.
it stop beating.
i cried.
*she says we are still tgt.
mans.
im happy.
like a little girl.
all i can say to *her was,
thanks and i love *you too.
but i stil nid smtime to overcome alot of things.
but my love for *you wil nvr be lessen.
i saw *you wearing tt ring belongs to ebong at first.
but *you took it out when *you met me.
i dunno wad's the reason behind it but i assume its mean to be good.
i mentioned bout the ring but *you deny.
agn,
i assume the reason for the denial is for the sake of me.
hmmm,
been selfish,
can i request *you nt to wear.?
smile.
okays.
im off to slp.
dun wish to think of anything else anymore.
*you are the only one.
11:58 PM; be my
always
had my new hair style today.
manage to have the hair style i wan.
to either spike to look boyish or the put hairband to look famine.
nt bad.
i like it.
things are going on well i guess.
maybe tis is a better way for *you and me.
but i wun deny tt my hart is still missing *you.
loving *you.
it wil stay as strong as it was till i met another *you.
somehow *you arent tt cruel to the extend of ignorin me.
thanks.
still kip me updated to *you daily life routine.
*you let me smhow felt that at least im not forgotten by *you.
*you are at least thinkin of me.
becoz i heard someone teling me before that if someone were to msg u,
it means tt he or she is thinking of you.
so,
yup.
today,
as usual,
*you told me *your routine.
i still feel belonged to *you.
we met up.
it was great except that *you and ling cudnt recorgnise me.
laughs.
i knew that *you were actually lookin at my finger,
looking for OUR ring,
think *you are kinda disappointed when *you found out tt im not wearing anymore.
but im sure *you were suprised that actually i wore it on my neck.
closer to heart thou hurr.
i was happy to see *you wearing OUR ring still.
on the 4th finger.
on the finger *you said that belongs to OUR ring.
but somehow disappointed when i saw *you actually oso wearing the ring of ebong's name too.
but i din blame u and i gt no right too.
BUT,
*you made me smile a little when later part,
i saw *you tkin out tt ring and *you are only wearin the one belong to us.
thanks.
im glad.
before i left,
the hug,
the kiss,
thanks.
i really jus still feel attached to *you.
what about *you.?
how do *you feel.?
when i turn away from *you,
i tear-ed.
with happiness and sadness.
im happy that we are stil close,
in contact,
im sad that we actually had broke up,
without status.
the love,
i can still feel it.
the strong feeling of belonging,
i jus dun wish to lose *you completely.
when will be the next time i cud see *you.?
when will be the next time *you wud hug me.?
when will be the next time *you wud kiss me goodbye.?
when will be the next time i cud sit beside *you when *you fag.?
when will be the next time *you tell me all the things that happen the past few days.?
when will be the next time *you will tell me,
i love you.?
when wil it be.?
i gt no idea.
but im holding on to this little faith,
that the day is not far away from now.
from todae.
*baby,
thanks for everything.
i still love *you.
perhaps i showed myself that i dun really care but i do.
in my heart.
[wefiy] thanx wefiy. sry to let you worry. will tell you the whole thing soon. im feeling better now i suppose. smile. hugs. u are badly missed too.
[bingbing] thns darling. you are really one of the bestes best fren i ever haf. LOVEs.
[yana] thnx dearie. haf fun during attachment ya.? see ya soon. misses.
12:50 AM; be my
always
Saturday, July 01, 2006
im fearing.
the darkness in my life.
tears blindfolded me.
i cud see no road.
*you break the road in front of me.
*you took away the happiness i believed in.
*you took away the love i trust in.
is all my fault.
my bloody fuckin fault.
knew that *you wudnt like to be tied up,
but yet,
been an idiot,
thinkin only for myself,
i tied *you.
i used both hands to send *you away.
but does tt means tt i dun haf a sec chance.?
i dunno how to sae.
but for wad i alrd decided was tt,
i swear wad i will do if i got *you bck,
i will DEFINITELY do it.
if i failed to,
hate me even too.
smtime i may forget wad i promise but deep in my heart,
i noe wad is right and wrong.
let me prove to *you the another side of me.
the side that *you nvr seen before.
the great determination in within me.
the love is still strong.
im still missing *you.
i couldnt stop thinking of *you whenever i come across smth tt gt to do with u.
i held back my tears.
tellin myself i gotta be strong.
but smhow i cudnt without *you.
the feelin inside me i cudnt find wrds to describe.
but jus wishing that these days are u leading days *you wanted tt i cudnt gif.
im sorry.
im a failure as a gd gf.
tk it as a REALLy time out period and see if things cud work out smhow.
can we.?
i dun wish to end tis hard-comin rs like tis.
thou what i went thru were too much but i stil smhow feel tt its all worth it.
dunno y.
im jus so silly.
faith.
determination.
fate.
trust.
love.
they will show me all.
iLOVE*you still.
3:48 PM; be my
always
the GIRL
LOVES & HATES
she really HATES chocolate, ice-cream, hurts, words that doesnt mean anything, empty promises, tears, stress, pressure, irritatation, FATS.
CONNECTED
& Christine
& Deborah
& Ilyana
& Jazz
& Karine
& JinFeng
& Jolene
& Lynnette
& MeiBing
& Meilan
& Rachel
& Shahidah
& ShiHui
& SzeYing
& YinJia
PLEASE
adidas jacket
Head tennis racketbillabong wallet
newurbanmale sandals
bikini
puma/nike/adidas bags
more skirts
more tops
new handphone
much fats off her body
been loved dearly by *HIM (:
spend almost 24/7 with *HIM
tanned skin
more time to enjoy
graduate from NYP asap
MONEY
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