the GIRL
wants to be called as cynthia. her first cry was on the 110888. currently studying at NYP, a NURSE to be.
now she is TAKEN by HIM. and yes, finally, she is with a GUY now (:
wants to be called as cynthia. her first cry was on the 110888. currently studying at NYP, a NURSE to be.
now she is TAKEN by HIM. and yes, finally, she is with a GUY now (:
she really LOVES sleep, music, freedom, HUGS, liquor, clubbing, DARLINGS gang, all the swt time she had with *HIM, all the things *HE had done for her & obviously H.I.M !
& Berline
yes, please grant her with:
i love tennis.!
i swear i do.!
i really do.!
i cant wait for another game with *baby.
and that pantat sha says she wants to play oso.!
yeah found on tennis partner in sch.!
I WANT TO PLAY TENNIS.!
thanks *baby for the tennis racket.
i love it alot.
my fav colour and brand.
(:
the new shoe bag and so swt tt we gt the same.
(:
okays.
there is alot more to update but i gt no time.
gg for prac .
ltr gt skill test.
wish me luck.!
i want pass and done with it today.!
God,
be by my side.
pray.
2:06 PM; be my
always
Monday, January 15, 2007
now i am alone in eplaza becoz tt pantat sha went to mit bf.
grins.
and i gt my HS2056 exam ltr.
man.
wish me luck.!
wish i cud pass and one mod will be cleared.
(:
exam timetable is out and the dates are rubbish la.
the day before valentine's day there is a paper,
on valentine's day there isnt (sound nice but...)
the day after valentine's day there is HS2035 which means there is alot of memorising.
ARGHS.
and after CNY brk,
will be bio paper.!
like wad the hell.!
i wan to spend Valentine's day with *baby.!
i noe *he will be disappointed if i gg to tell *him tis.
im sorry *baby.
i promise i wil wrk sthg out so that we can still spend our very first valentine's day tgt.!
hugs.
ytd went sentosa.
first time go there and play in the rain.
no sun = no tanning.
but still,
it wad kinda fun.
more of this activity guys.!
gv peeps rock my life
(:
and and and.!
my middle finger is injured.!
yes,
the same old finger agn.
like wad the hell.
now im like gg ard pointing everyone middle finger esp when i writes.
even now when i type im oso pointing middle finger to my monitor.
hahas.
sry ppl hu sitting in front of me.
hahas.
gg to see a doc ltr.
the swell is abit nt very gd.
):
pain.!
regarding wad happen to me and *baby the past few days.
im nt gg to bring it up and mention agn.
overall,
i just wish wad *baby says,
*he will really do it.
its really true that actions speaks louder than words.
and i dun wan jus only words that's from *his mouth but the effort in making them all real.
i cant afford to lose *him becoz i really love *him.
lots.
but if there is a day that i really have to leave in near future,
definitely not becoz i dun love *him anymore but becoz i cudnt tk the hurts anymore.
i want *his love and i need *his love.
without them,
perhaps i willbe weak agn.
and i dun wan it happening to me agn.
*baby,
make things better okays.?
we will walk on tgt.
i love *you .!
but i hate *you too.
hahahaha.
((:
okays.
its like damn diff to type with middle finger pointing out like tis.
boo.
bye and im off for last round of revision before paper.!
wish me luck.!!!!
3:15 PM; be my
always
Friday, January 12, 2007
I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
( yes, i love it when *you calls me baby and telling me that im part of *your life. )
No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
( but why times over times, *you are still making cry so badly ? )
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
( *baby are *you loving me with all *you have ? )
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
( i met afew wrong ppl alrd and i wish that *you are the one God wants me to meet along this path of life. )
There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
( that's the reason why i dun dare to trust *you so much because im afraid that *you will abuse the trust i had for *you. )
Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
( perhaps i should learn real hard from this. )
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
( im thankful that i have a handful of true frens. thanks guys.! LOVEs. )
arent these sentences awesome.?
got these from the mail darling yinjia sent to me the other day.
and its so nice for me to do some reflection.
yes,
im still despair.
i hurt myself and as well as *him (i assume)
i din mean to end everything with *you but im jus so afraid.
i swear i dun feel any better than *you.
i swear i still love *you as how i did always.
and i always will.
i swear i dun wan to lose *you either.
but this isnt the rs i wish to have.
the disappointment,
the hurts,
are too much for me.
and perhaps for *you.
i wish we cud wrk things out,
find a way out.
if not,
we cud nvr move on from here.
i promise i will nvr give up.
and i mean it.
my promise is for real.
and *you can take my words.
i swear.
and wad about *you.?
)':
11:25 PM; be my
always
i dunno whether wad im doin is right,
but i noe is definitely smth i really dun wish to do.
rejecting *your calls,
off the ringtone and let it rings till *you hangs up ( *you can do tt to me and so do i ),
dun reply *your msges.
yes,
you all may think im cruel,
unreasonable.
i dun care.
becoz only me myself and i noe exactly how i feel and wad im gg thru when i doin these to *him.
i swear it isnt smth nice at all.
it jus hurts me as much as it hurts *you ( or perhaps it doesnt hurts *you at all ).
*you asked me whether am i angry with *you.
why should i ans that qns since it wun help any at all.
end up *you *yourself might be angry.
so wad's the point right.?
must as well i myself angry than causing another person angry.
maybe you all think im selfish to think for myself only.
let it be.
im so tired of making everyone ard me happy,
agree with wad im doing.
does anyone know wad EXACTLY i wan and wad EXACTLY i feel.?
anyone.?!
if no,
so just let me be can.?
just for one day.
even it means i might lose sthg impt to me,
someone so dear to me.
i dunno wad im talking alrd.
all i noe is
I AM FUCKING SUPER UPSET
im not angry AT ALL.
)':
please please dun say *you will do sthg when *you cant even do it. althou its not a promise yet but is sthg *you told me *you will do but end up its jus wrds that dun meant to mean. how much more must i go thru to let *you see and realise how all these little mistakes *you make wil make me so sad. i noe *you are hu *you are and i accept it but there are just sthg that i can nvr accept. things *you dun like i tried changing. things like *you wants me to tell *you everything when things goes wrong, i did. *you asked me to control my angerness, i ctrl if not i wud haf been angry with *you for wrking ltr. *you say wan meet even it means 3 hrs of miting and *you say *you wun be late. okays, i made up my mind that i wan to meet *you, dressed nicer and try waking *you up so *you wun be late or jus a little late.but ya like wad i expected, *you can nvr wake up by my calls. i dunno wad else i can say anymore. i feel that the more i say the more i nid to explain. well, i think i owe no one any explainations. wad i expect *you will do *you will nvr do. so wad;s the point of gg on saying so much thing and hurt myself so bad.
oh God,
tell me how shud i move on from here.
5:59 PM; be my
always
hmmm,
why am i so upset now.?
like sthg went missing.
sthg is wrong.
i feel kinda lost and overall im just
UPSET.
am i too selfish to just wish that *you will not wrk ltr and acc me.?
like on a nite esp friday's.
a nite that i still dunno how to pass it alone.
tuesday and friday nites are the nites the hardest for me.
its so hard to change the habit of passing them alone since i had nvr did before ever since mummy wil wrk on nite shift these 2 days.
but well,
i noe i shudn't be selfish to stop *you from wrking just to acc me.
i understand that *you have to earn money.
but there is just this feeling that i dunno how to exaplain.
despite knowing and understanding the reason behind of *you insisting on wrking,
i still feel disappointed.
but its alright la.
just go ahead and wrk ba.
i guess i really nid to overcome this.
passing this horrible nite alone.
worst come to worst,
if not raining,
i might head dwn to punggol end.
(:
a place i love to hide at,
to think and reflect alot of things.
now *you are outside with them.
yes,
i know *you will enjoy.
so no worries.
sorry that i sound so sad and wadever feeling *you think im having.
i really tried not to but i just cant.
sorry if i said that we shall dont meet tmr.
its not that i dun want to see *you but i will jus feel REALLY upset that *you have to go off after seeing each other for like 3 hrs or less.
depending whether *you will be late not.
and this is oso one of the reason why i thought of not miting.
*you late,
i will angry.
den *you have to leave real soon,
i will feel upset.
these two feelings are enough to make the rest of the nite even tougher to pass.
i dunno la.
i want see *You but i oso dun want see *you due to those reasons i stated.
ARGHS.!
i fucking hate this feeling im having now.
like wad the fuck.!
what's wrong with me now.!
fuck it.CYNTHIA,
you are a bad girlfriend of *his.
yes yes,
i guess so too.
):
alrite.
i shall go off and slp and stop thinking and perhaps stop crying.
i swear my eyes are gg to drop off if i gg to cont crying all these nites.
arghs.
wad a week la.
fuck fuck fuck.!
(sorry for all the vulgarities. im jus so.. ARGH.)
)':
1:59 AM; be my
always
When I am down and,
oh my soul,
so weary.
When troubles come and my heart burdened be.
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up,
so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up,
to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong,
when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up,
To more than I can be.
There is no life - no life without its hunger.
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly,
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes,
I think I glimpse eternity.
1:50 AM; be my
always
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
i din noe sch life could be this stressful.
these 2 nites i havent been slping for like more than 3 hrs.
the nite before was mugging for my bio prac,
last nite was redoing my individual presentation which due today til like 4 plus tis morn.
and toking abt it,
i really wan to say a BIG BIG thank you to *baby for staying at my hse till im done just to kip me accompanied and help me with some of it.
thanks thanks.
i felt so guilty to see *baby's tiredness and yet *he insist on staying late with me.
tt poor little mouse of mine.
* opps.! did i jus said mouse.? lol. jkjk. HUGs *
and since *he did smth nice to me,
i shall forgive *him on wad happened some days ago.
but i will never *forget.humph
so one project dwn.
2 more to go.
and im glad that my super last min change of plan of my presentation today turns out great.
felt so nice to hear the compliment frm Ms Ng and relieved to hear almost no comments on my presentation.
my hard wrk pays off (:
tribute to *baby too.
grins.
now that little mouse * opps agn. hahahah * is wrking.pout
and im alone at home mugging agn for nxt wk's exam.
boring.
exam agn.
and and and !
i wan to go sentosa tis sunday.!
i dun wan to miss out the fun and i seriously nid to relax abit.
but at the same time fear and worried for exam.
how how how.?
i nid the SUN (:
but i oso nid the BOOKS.duh
shall see how it goes.
i miss *you !
should i go dwn ltr to give *you a suprise.?
hmmm.
shall consider.
grins.
but dun think i love *you.
nope,
i hate *you.
wahahaha.bleahs
((:
okays.
gtg and mug and hopefully catch a little nap.
the pain in my head is driving me nuts.
ARGHS.
tk it away.!
grins.
5:42 PM; be my
always
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
PLEASE,
TAKE ME AWAY !
I CAN'T TAKE IT AYNMORE !
I DON'T WANT TO CRY NO MORE !
FUCKED UP LIFE NOW.
FUCK IT !
12:46 AM; be my
always
Monday, January 08, 2007
i love *you.
yes i do.
i really do.
but what shud i do to show my love to *you and oso not to get hurt by *you.?
it hurts me every once and then i reject *your call.
it hurts me everytime i choose to reply in a feeling-less manner.
it just hurts me so badly.
its not that i dun wan to tok to *you but i dun wish to let *you hear me cry.
give me time til tonight or maybe tmr to tok to *you.
no matter what,
i just want *you to noe that my feelings for *you are stil so true so deep.
right now,
i just want to protect myself a little more than i will.*baby, *you are still the one.
8:20 PM; be my
always
im back home at this hr.
was suppose to end sch at 6 but bio lect cancel,
im too lazy to wait for 5 hrs for the nxt lect so i decided to cum bck and mug for tmr's bio prac ica.
i wan to do well.
at least better.
but it seems kinda hard now when im too depress to do anything.
and dont say memorising.
to *baby :
to what extend must i go to show *you how hurt i am everytime *you do this to me. saying words that will nvr seems to mean sthg. i always try to trust every of *your single wrds but in this situation, can *you tell me how can i do so.? *you promised me and convinced me that *you will nvr be the sec her but wad is it now.? what's the diff of *you and her when *you can oso slp the nxt sec when things turn bad. i replied *your msg str8 after i recieve it but wad's in the end. *you din even reply and obviously it shows that *you are aslp. im hurt by it. yes, to *you, *you might think that im ridiculars to be angry or sad abt it but can *you understand the feeling of fear. i seriously fear that *you will be like her as time goes by. i can tell *you that i will nvr move on well anymore. esp when *you choose to abuse my trust in *you. i choose not to contact *you now. not until *you took the first step to. i dun wan to show how i feel deep inside. im not trying to be mean but im just trying to protect myself this time round. i wish to see how much i actually means to *you. maybe this time round i might be disappointed but at least i see *you through. see *you through the love *you actually had for me. i wun see *you for today. it wil be really bad esp after a fight like tis. but its good in the way that we can see how we can make it thru. im sick. i gt this fuckin headache. but i cant stop crying. fuck it.
there is alot more i wish to tell *baby.
but i gt no strength to go on saying aymore.
i dun wan to cry so badly anymore.
God,
take my sorrows away.
take my tears away.
take my pain away.
take me to where i used to be.
bring me back my happiness.
bring me the love i deserve.
bring me *his true love to me.
please.
i prayed.
)':
1:59 PM; be my
always
Sunday, January 07, 2007
new blog layout !
iLOVEit !
(:
2:09 PM; be my
always
now,
sitting at my study table which i wil be facing my window and as well as tis lappy and as well as watching shadows passing by becoz of the stupid renovation of the lifts at the other side.
kinda scary seeing shadows walking pass outta sudden and that's y i decided to off my light and just kip my little desk light on so that ppl cant see into my rm.
haha.
im bored and tired studying bio agn.
and i mean AGAIN.
the same old thing.
vagina, penis, ovries and blah blah blah.
):
im just fcuking bored.
din noe my sat nite cud be tis bad.
pout
went over to grandma's place.
helped her dispense her med for the nxt 2 wks.
and i swear im super hart pain to see her eating SOO many med in a day.
its like about 20 odd tablets per day.?
my goodness.
sigh.
she's getting old but she's still loving me so much.
cooked my fav dishes becoz she knows that im goin over today after like mia for dunno how long.
im so touched can.
and i felt kinda guilty.
ok. getting emo and feel like crying now.
i LOVE grandma for my whole life.!
(:
*baby is wrking now.
thou *he just called but its too noisy over there so i decided to hang up.
and now,
i oso dun feel like tokin to anyone.
ok. im really getting emo.
i misses *him so much.
i wish i cud see *him now.
or maybe later after *his wrk but i cant.
*he gt wrk at 1pm ltr.
so i decided not to deprive *him frm *his slp.
but i miss *him.
esp now,
when im feeling kinda dwn.
think its just s/s of PMS.
pout.
i dun like.
oh ya.
thanks MAK QINXIONG for taking over my shift today.
he saved my life.
grins.
i owe him once.
(:
wad a kind soul he is hur.
wrink.
okays.
goodnight everyone.
haf to mug and mug and emo away.
lalalala.
>.<
1:50 AM; be my
always
Friday, January 05, 2007
a hard passing day so far.
dwn with serious bad flu and fever goin up and dwn.
arghs.
and my head seems to be too heavy for me to put it on my poor neck.
can anyone understands wan and how i feel.?
hahas.
worse,
more and more projects are on the way.
save me.!
im drowning in the sea of presentations can.
irritating.
im now waiting for my lazy pig to cum over.
*he like must tk dunno how many hrs to get here.
and i seriously hate it when i call and cudnt reach *him.
*he seems so hard to be contacted can.
angry !
dun wan mit *him alrd.
humph.
boo.
arghs.!
can someone like help me do my presentation.
do my research.
tk my exams.
man.
if there is someone like tis i will MARRY him.
haha.
(but i dun think there wil be anyone nicer than my pantat *baby. lols )
ok.
stop ranting and shall start wrk.
and oh ya,
any kind souls wan to tk over my shift tmr and if im wrkin on sun,
tk over me on sun too.!
thanks and i really appreciate it.
(:
7:09 PM; be my
always
okays.
*baby keeps complaining that i din write "i love him".
so.....
now....
*baby,
I LOVE YOU !
(:
12:15 AM; be my
always
Thursday, January 04, 2007
mans.
finally i can blog la.
for the past few days,
i dunno wad's wrong with blogger tt i cant log in with blogger beta.
so shit can.
boo.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, 2007 .!
yes,
its a brand new yr alrd.
spent my bew yr eve at gv wrking.
grins.
10hrs shift somemore hurr.
DOUBLE pay.!
yuppie :D
it was fun thou with twice counting dwn becoz see wrong time C:
ran over to floor 1 to watch firewrks but too bad *baby cudnt get out of candy bar becoz all of us ran off.
laughs.
sry *baby.
shall watch firewrks tgt one day hurr.
(:
oh,
before i moved on,
Happy 2nd Monthsary to *baby on the 291206.
we spend the very first sec of our monthsary tgt and the very last sec of monthsary tgt.
tt was kinda swt thou.
(:
thanks for everything *baby.!
and please,
DON'T spend SO much money getting me things anymore kays.?
dun make my jaw drop agn.
grins.
but i appreciate everything alot.
i love *you still.
lots.
even thought sometime *you make me REALLY mad.
and very hurt.
):
but well,
*you are forgiven.
dun try to test my limit hurr.
:D
a brand new year starts alrd.
i seriously hope this yr willgoes smoothly.
be it in studies, love, health or anything.
i jus wish for the best.
lookng bck last yr,
alot of things happened.
been with her and end the rs with her on our 1st yr.
i wun say i regret loving her.
instead,
i thank her.
in a way tt i cud realise there is someone else better out there i cud love and love me.
(:
studies are getting heavier and heavier alrd.
exams ard the corner and worse,
there isnt any study brk.
pout.
and there is nvr ending pjts waiting for me to do.
):
end of hols,
start of misery.
arghs.
alrite,
gtg and rush my patient education.
first time doinf individual presentation.
i hope it wil be a smooth and successful one.
den 6pm haf to be bck in sch for evening lesson.
shag.
bye everyone.!
2:59 PM; be my
always
the GIRL
LOVES & HATES
she really HATES chocolate, ice-cream, hurts, words that doesnt mean anything, empty promises, tears, stress, pressure, irritatation, FATS.
CONNECTED
& Christine
& Deborah
& Ilyana
& Jazz
& Karine
& JinFeng
& Jolene
& Lynnette
& MeiBing
& Meilan
& Rachel
& Shahidah
& ShiHui
& SzeYing
& YinJia
PLEASE
adidas jacket
Head tennis racketbillabong wallet
newurbanmale sandals
bikini
puma/nike/adidas bags
more skirts
more tops
new handphone
much fats off her body
been loved dearly by *HIM (:
spend almost 24/7 with *HIM
tanned skin
more time to enjoy
graduate from NYP asap
MONEY
FOOTPRINTS