the GIRL
wants to be called as cynthia. her first cry was on the 110888. currently studying at NYP, a NURSE to be.
now she is TAKEN by HIM. and yes, finally, she is with a GUY now (:
wants to be called as cynthia. her first cry was on the 110888. currently studying at NYP, a NURSE to be.
now she is TAKEN by HIM. and yes, finally, she is with a GUY now (:
she really LOVES sleep, music, freedom, HUGS, liquor, clubbing, DARLINGS gang, all the swt time she had with *HIM, all the things *HE had done for her & obviously H.I.M !
& Berline
yes, please grant her with:
FUCK IT.!
FUCK MY LIFE.!
8:18 AM; be my
always
Friday, November 24, 2006
i wish things could change.
i wish i could change.
i wish i could be the cynthia hu used to be with her.
the cynthia that gives in everytime,
the cynthia that say ok to almost everything,
the cynthia that never gets angry over small small things,
the cynthia that never expect so much frm the other party,
the cynthia that never ask for more.
the cynthia that have super alot of patience.
the cynthia the cynthia..
sigh.
im weak.
im tired.
but i never wan to give up.
arghs.
fuck la.
im pissed by my mum can.
fuck.!
blog other time.
FUCK
10:33 PM; be my
always
Monday, November 20, 2006
now in my room.
sitting in front of the window.
drilling outside.
super noisy.
blust music into my ears with my earpiece.
doesnt wan to hear anything frm outside except the music.
but why am i hearing the cries coming from my hrt.?
and why im feelin the pain inside me.?
shudnt i be happy.?
but why am i cryin while im blogging.
it had yet our 1 mth.
but ive been cryin and hurting so many times.
oh boy,
do *you noe its my first time i feel so bad in a just-started rs.
on the other hand,
i wil nvr forget all the happy times we shared.
but y issit tt bad moments are seems to be taking over everything.?
y issit so true tt when things turn bad,
everyone tends to think of the bad things instead of the good ones.?
by doin tis,
its really much more hurting.
but,
ya,
its smth in human beings.
that no one can change it.
last nite i practically cried the whole nite.
cry myself to slp.
it had been quite some time since i did tis.
i think back.
alot alot alot of things.
everything with her.
everything *him.
i feel so guilty.
i blame myself for everything.
for hurting the one hu loves me so much.
and yes,
that's *you.
im so fucking selfish tt i dunno how to understand *you.
im so fucking stupid to get angry with *you when *you got *your reason.
im jus so fucking sucky to be a good girlfriend now.
there is always this super unpleasant feeling in within me.
the feelin that makes me feels that i dun desreved to be loved so dearly by *you.
the feeling that's telling me that *you shudnt had love me and let me hurt *you.
but i dun wan to lose *you either.
i love *you dearly.
really.
i do.
but somehow i just really dunno how to show.
the selfishness,
the over protection i haf in me.
they are just stopiing me and turning me into a super bad gf.
im sorry.
i dunno wad to do.
can *you tell me.?
i wan to move on and on with *you.
i really want.
i dying to want it.
but if things btw us cant be solved,
we can nvr move on long.
yes,
we are fearing over the same thing.
fearing tt *you will lose me,
i will lose *you.
i know *you are afraid of getting disappointment.
im afraid of getting hurt.
well,
i really wish one day all these will go away.
and im sure if all these goes away,
we can be really happy.
pray.
sincerely.
hardly.
):
12:27 AM; be my
always
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
was suppose to haf bio lect but lecturer on mc.
so decided to blog b4 miting jud and head dwn to ps.
had been really shag these days.
yawns.
grandma discharged alrd.
im glad.
(:
and to tok abt hosp,
im like super pissed off by tt fucking lecturer who tok to me the other day.
pls,
i felt so insulted can.
and as a nursing manager,
i dun think tt is how she shud tok and behave.
its like so wad the fuck la.
wadeva.
jus do wad she wants and i wil jus follow.
wad to do.
i stil wan to graduate and be a SN.
boo.
fcuked up.
hmmm,
there is things i wan to tok abt regarding rs im having with *him.
but i dunno how to start.
all i can sae i noe i love *him,
i noe i wudnt wan to lose *him so fast,
i noe ive been really expecting alot from *him.
i noe its really unfair but i seriously dunno how to stop expecting.
i really hate myself for tis.
really.
so much that i wish i cud lose all the memories i had with her last time.
so i wil stop fearing,
stop protecting myself so much which eventually leads me to be more expecting.
i hate been like tis.
sigh.
sry *syg,
im jus fearing.
really fearing.
but i love *you.
yes i really do.
now im afraid tt i will start having this "wadeva" attitude towards someone.
someone hu is my close fren.
someone i always likes to tok with abt everything.
but recently alot of things happened to her.
i tried tellin her wad i can and wad i feel.
but she dun seems to do anything abt it.
or rather maybe she tried but i cant see.
and instead getting herself in more trouble.
i wish all these erm,
i wun say rusbbish but annoying problems wil end soon.
sry.
im someone like tis.
tried changing but i cant.
and i din wan too.
becoz been someone hu is not really myself is so tiring and so fake.
dun u all think so.?
sigh.
wad had happened to me.?
hurt.
sometime i wonder if asking for pure happiness and troublefree are smth impossible.
2:52 PM; be my
always
Sunday, November 12, 2006
now rotting at home till its time to go wrk.
im having a serious cramp now la.
wonder how am i gg to survive thru my eos.
boo.
well,
things are nt very nice these days.
i think alot.
alot for myself.
alot for *him.
i noe very clearly that i love *him alot.
and i noe very clearly that i doesnt want to lose *him.
but i jus keep thinkin and feeling that ever since i enter *his life,
*he seems to be so physically tired and stressed up.
it hurts to see *him like tis.
and the only solution to it is to leave *him.
but i noe it wil be bad for both of us becoz we feel for each other.
sigh.
i dunno how to say but i just wish everything wil be fine becoz i needed *him.
i need *him becoz i love *him.
yes,
finally i understand tis phase.
*he is the reason i realised all these.
loves.
i cant tk it anymore.
the pain is killin me.
byes.
3:49 PM; be my
always
Thursday, November 09, 2006
first,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SOON YINJIA
finally 18 le hurr.
can buy drink le hur.
laughs.
enjoy ur day todae.!
(:
ytd went to celebrate my dear yinjia's birthday.
ate kenny rogger and its really yummy.
den i showed it off to *syg.
laughs.
too bad *he wrking.
cant eat.
wahahahaha.
went to esplanade after tt to tk some fotos.
i realised the scenery over there at nite is like as if u were at hong kong.
hahas.
den we head dwn to ps.
they left for home and i went to fetch *him.
realise tt i really cant like dun see *syg for one day.
i find it super weird.
boo.
and obviously,
im seeing *him later after my evening class.
see if *he will to be late.
shall think of a punishment for *him for been late.
laughs.
hmm.
brain stucked.
dunno wad else to blog alrd.
i hate MR HARY.
5:39 PM; be my
always
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
shud i say today is a good day or shud i say its a bad one.?
i cried tis early morn.
and frm it i realise how much *he actually means to me.
i din realise this is how much i wanted from *him.
*his super close attention to my feelings.
*his sensativity towards my feelings and all.
and i din realise this is how much i wanted *him to be in my life.
maybe there is nth call forever but as long as i cud hold *him in my life.
as long as i am allowed to.
the meeting with *him during my brk was nt good at first.
i really hate the feeling.
the feeling of unhappiness,
pissed-ness,
disappointment.
i jus hate-d them all.
but im glad everything was alrite after tt.
really.
*sgy i really hope you will kip ur wrds when u said it. i really dun like the disappointment i haf frm you. it hurts me. sorry for the expectation. i know its kinda unfair to you somehow but i dunno how to stop expecting. im really trying real hard. gif me time alrite.? i wish we cud pass tis 1 month smoothly. after which, things wil be in place better and nicer for both you and me. promise, we will say things out whenever things goes wrong. okays.? aku cinta kau. (:
i need to lose ALOT of fats.
shugs.
im like getting fatter and fatter and im getting really irritated by those irritating fats on my body.
tennis.!
i wan to lose weight.!
):
1:06 AM; be my
always
Monday, November 06, 2006
hello.!!
im finally back after mia-ing for like how many donkey years.
laughs.
so how's everyone.?!
back to sch alrd rite.?
and so do i.
today was my first day and im super so not used to it la.
so weird returning home SOO early.
esp i cant spend time with *him.
% suprised %
why is a *him now hurr.?
laughs.
yupp,
im with a GUY now.
a wonderful guy i must say.
*he showed me what is love abt ALL over agn.
every little things *he touches me so deeply.
and let me realised tt i deserved someone better,
someone knows how to love me better.
and this wonderful person is
Mr. Hary
(: im missing you now can
im glad that mummy allows us tgt.
thanks to my dearest sis, jacqueline.
you really helped me alot tis time round.
thank god i noe u since i was 1yr old and thank god mummy trust u so much.
laughs.
and oso thank my aunt.
for helping me say out how i feel deeply and "psycho" my mum in accepting tis whole thing.
thanks thanks.!
hugs.
as for my past,
i wouldnt forget.
the good and the bad times.
at least once in my life,
i knew i loved someone like her so deeply before.
and wad i can showered her with i alrd did.
all i just wish everything are worthwhile for the whole 1 yr im with her.
and wishes her all the best.
be it in her career or love or health.
eat more.!
you are still as skinny as before.
grins.
thanks and u wil always be my kor.
smile.
well,
gonna wrk hard tis sem.
i dread rpting modules.
fcuk can.
boo.
and im trying soo hard to change my lifestyle back to normal.
no stayin out late.
no drinking anymore.
no shopping as and when i wan.
worst,
no spending LOTS of time with *him.
boo.
sounds boring.
):
byes.
gtg and wrk out my time table.
nites.
// you are the one i belongs to. i want to. always. as long as i could.. . LOVES .
10:04 PM; be my
always
the GIRL
LOVES & HATES
she really HATES chocolate, ice-cream, hurts, words that doesnt mean anything, empty promises, tears, stress, pressure, irritatation, FATS.
CONNECTED
& Christine
& Deborah
& Ilyana
& Jazz
& Karine
& JinFeng
& Jolene
& Lynnette
& MeiBing
& Meilan
& Rachel
& Shahidah
& ShiHui
& SzeYing
& YinJia
PLEASE
adidas jacket
Head tennis racketbillabong wallet
newurbanmale sandals
bikini
puma/nike/adidas bags
more skirts
more tops
new handphone
much fats off her body
been loved dearly by *HIM (:
spend almost 24/7 with *HIM
tanned skin
more time to enjoy
graduate from NYP asap
MONEY
FOOTPRINTS