the GIRL
wants to be called as cynthia. her first cry was on the 110888. currently studying at NYP, a NURSE to be.
now she is TAKEN by HIM. and yes, finally, she is with a GUY now (:
wants to be called as cynthia. her first cry was on the 110888. currently studying at NYP, a NURSE to be.
now she is TAKEN by HIM. and yes, finally, she is with a GUY now (:
she really LOVES sleep, music, freedom, HUGS, liquor, clubbing, DARLINGS gang, all the swt time she had with *HIM, all the things *HE had done for her & obviously H.I.M !
& Berline
yes, please grant her with:
y is my post not posted.?!
):
test test *
5:16 AM; be my
always
Thursday, February 15, 2007
i swear i got a super bad valentine's day tis yr.
a super bad one that i will nvr forget.
its so much far worse than spending valentine's day without a valentine.
if i were to choose which i wil rather haf,
i wil wish that i dun haf a valentine on such a valentine's day.
recieving msges frm peers askin how's my valentine's celebration,
what are the beautiful things my boy had prepared for me.
well,
my ans to all these are jus,
NOTHING.
yup i got nth from *him.
not even for a little card or a sms wish.
but i gt the best gift.
i broke dwn and cut myself AGAIN.
yes.
wad a great present from the one i love dearly on such a special day.
im despair.
im lost.
im hurt.
i wish im gone.
i always choose to trust *him,
trusting that *he say *he will change *he really will.
seriously in my life ive nvr met someone like tis.
who seems to dun care much of anything.
someone who eventually can fall aslp while doing my valentine's gift.
as a gf felt so guitly for nt getting anything on a special day like tis,
i sacrifice my study time in the middle of the nite just to make *him one card.
a card that is completely based on my designs.
no helping decorations,
no helping pictures,
no helping wrds like " i love u"
and wad so ever.
EVERYTHING little thing on the card is made by me.
i swear.
ok.
maybe u all might think why am i so calculative.
" *he nvr give u anything only ma. "
no.
im not calculative on that.
wad disappoints me is that *he really can eventually fall aslp like tis.
sayin will call me back,
and yes,
stupid me waited for *his call till almost 5.30am in th morn.
say wan to go SP early in the morn for JAE,
i made an effort waking *him up at 7 plus when i onli slpt at 5.30am.
hello,
why am i the one worrying about *his everything when *he dun even bother.
i felt so hurt.
felt so angry.
best thing is that when *he wake up,
i confronted *Him,
and guess wad,
*he says that im not understanding enough,
says that *he thought i wil understan,
understand that *he's having headache that's y couldnt wake up.
wow.
i din noe we gt such good telepathy.
that *you dun even mention a single thing,
i will know that *you are having headache.
and so coincidental that everytime on special days,
one part of *your body will be aching.
is not that i dun wan to believe but as these reasons been used times and times agn,
it just makes me feel that its just excuses to shut my mouth up.
i dun see why i gt pain here and there i still can bear with them and mk an effort to do wad im suppose to do as a gf.
but wad abt *you.?
yes *you may sae that *you are very tired but have *you think for me.?
all these nites i havent been slping more than wad.?
3 hrs.?
but i still try my best to do sthg for *you.
wake *you up.
worry for *you.
make sure wad *you wanted to do will be done smoothly.
boy,
wad i get back from *you makes me feels like an idiot.
like doing so much when the another party dun even appreciate rather been taken for granted.
*you know how fuck up i feel.?
how idiot i find myself.?
sigh.
boy,
this is not the way to be.
to be in a rs.
i really have enough.!
really.!
enough.!
*you are just driving my crazy.
*you are just trying to make me brk dwn like how she did.
oh please,
im not that strong enuff to go thru it agn.
esp on my exam period.
*you are just freaking selfish to do all these shits to me.
perhaps leaving *you,
let *you noe that i dun always be there to forgive *you,
to make *you happy even its like *your fault.
perhaps like tis,
*you will be waken up by all *your bad points.
good bye.
if we are really meant to be tgt,
we will always be.i hate *you for doing all these to me. *you proven me that there is really no true love in this world. cynthia's dead. and *you are the murderer.
5:10 PM; be my
always
Saturday, February 03, 2007
had been quite some time since i last blog.
things arent too well for me and *him.
thou we just pass our 3rd mthsary tgt but i swear it was a bad one.
sigh.
i dunno wad else i can i say or do to stop all these.
what i do seems like not too right for *him.
i tried and listen to all advices and do wad im told to do but wad i get in return.?
*his attitude,
*his impatience,
*his misunderstanding,
*his ignorence.
all these are killing me.
the communication prob between us seems to be still as bad it was ever.
everytime after quarrel or argue,
*he ask for forgiveness and chances.
saying that will change,
saying that it wil not happen agn.
but still,
one day ltr,
all these happening agn.
*he gt his reason and my explanation seems to become nth.
and end up everything seems to be my fault.
im so hurt.
hu can understand right deep inside i feel.
i try all ways to tell and make clear how and wad a person i am.
yes,
*he listened den say sorry den i forgive.
but still.
sigh.
giving chances agn and agn is equal to giving *him chances to hurt me agn and agn.
im hard inside but i swear im soft inside.
everytime i jus wil "heart soft" and go bck to *him.
perhaps this is the reason *he takes me for granted.
thinking that no matter i will still back to *him.
nvr likr *his ex.
well,
does tis means that i really have to leave *him for real so *he will noe to really treasure me.?
sigh.
im despair.
im so lost.
i dunno how to move on from here.
there is sooooooo many things waiting for me to do to put in place.
to make them perfect.
im not God.
im just an ordinary girl.
i just wan and wish my boyfriend can understand me a little more than others.
and to do so is to show my real true self.
but by doing this,
things seems to be worse.
tell me.!
tell me wad i shud do.
i really cant tk it anymore.
i dun wan history to rpt.
really.
i have enough.!
)': take me away to where i should belong.
7:25 PM; be my
always
the GIRL
LOVES & HATES
she really HATES chocolate, ice-cream, hurts, words that doesnt mean anything, empty promises, tears, stress, pressure, irritatation, FATS.
CONNECTED
& Christine
& Deborah
& Ilyana
& Jazz
& Karine
& JinFeng
& Jolene
& Lynnette
& MeiBing
& Meilan
& Rachel
& Shahidah
& ShiHui
& SzeYing
& YinJia
PLEASE
adidas jacket
Head tennis racketbillabong wallet
newurbanmale sandals
bikini
puma/nike/adidas bags
more skirts
more tops
new handphone
much fats off her body
been loved dearly by *HIM (:
spend almost 24/7 with *HIM
tanned skin
more time to enjoy
graduate from NYP asap
MONEY
FOOTPRINTS